Angel Watching
by lovinUdeeply
Summary: Sean and Emmas love is tested. tough topics are involved in the story. A lot of Manny and Craig also. previously posted on Degrassi Connection fanfiction page. sorry that my summary is so blah, but I promise, the story is much better! NOW COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

"How can this be? I mean...are you sure?" Spike asked the doctor as she chocked back tears. "Definately. There is something there. Emma has leukemia."  
  
Emma was sitting nervously in the waiting room of the doctor's office. She wondered what was so urgent that she and her mother, Spike, had to rush down there. Dr. West had said that it was too serious to talk of over the phone and that she and Emma should come down. But what Emma was unaware of is that the bad news was about HER; not her mom. Emma was going out of her mind with worry. a dozen thoughts about her little brother or sister raced through her brain all at once. "He or she will be fine." She told herself. As much as she tried to reassure herself, even she didn't believe it. Emma kept looking at the door constantly wondering what was taking so long. And if it was such a long time, then whatever it was, must be bad. Very bad.  
  
Finally after what seemed hours, Dr. West poked his head out the door and said, "Emma, will you please join us." Emma rose from her chair and rushed to the door. As she entered, she saw her mother standing in the corner, silent tears running down her cheek. "Mom, what's wrong?" Emma asked hysterically. "What's wrong with her? Why is she crying? Is it the baby? Is it alright?" "Woah! Slow down Emma! You should probably sit down." "No, thanks I'll stand. Now what is wrong?" Emma insisted, becoming nervous and frustrated at his hesitation. "Emma, i don't know how I'm supposed to say this," the doctor expressed sympathetically, "it's not your mom." "What do you mean?" Emma asked cautiously, "If it's not something about my mom or the baby than what's wrong?" "It's you." The doctor said hurriedly. "There's something wrong with you." "What is it?" Emma asked, on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry that we didn't catch it sooner." Dr. West said apologetically. "What is it!" Emma exclaimed. "You have leukemia Emma." Spike made a stifled cry. "Maybe you should sit down, Spike. You don't look good and we don't want any fainting incidents. It would hurt the baby." Spike lowered her very pregnant self into the chair beside the bed. "Emma, I'm so sorry. It just sort of appeared out of no where on your tests." "So what happens now?" Emma asked cautiously. "Well, we'll start you on treatments. Some tests will have to be done. Eventually you will have to star chemotherapy." "So i have to lose all my hair?" "Yes. If you want to save your life." 


	2. Breaking It Off

"How can this be? I mean...are you sure?" Spike asked the doctor as she chocked back tears. "Definately. There is something there. Emma has leukemia."  
  
Emma was sitting nervously in the waiting room of the doctor's office. She wondered what was so urgent that she and her mother, Spike, had to rush down there. Dr. West had said that it was too serious to talk of over the phone and that she and Emma should come down. But what Emma was unaware of is that the bad news was about HER; not her mom. Emma was going out of her mind with worry. a dozen thoughts about her little brother or sister raced through her brain all at once. "He or she will be fine." She told herself. As much as she tried to reassure herself, even she didn't believe it. Emma kept looking at the door constantly wondering what was taking so long. And if it was such a long time, then whatever it was, must be bad. Very bad.  
  
Finally after what seemed hours, Dr. West poked his head out the door and said, "Emma, will you please join us." Emma rose from her chair and rushed to the door. As she entered, she saw her mother standing in the corner, silent tears running down her cheek. "Mom, what's wrong?" Emma asked hysterically. "What's wrong with her? Why is she crying? Is it the baby? Is it alright?" "Woah! Slow down Emma! You should probably sit down." "No, thanks I'll stand. Now what is wrong?" Emma insisted, becoming nervous and frustrated at his hesitation. "Emma, i don't know how I'm supposed to say this," the doctor expressed sympathetically, "it's not your mom." "What do you mean?" Emma asked cautiously, "If it's not something about my mom or the baby than what's wrong?" "It's you." The doctor said hurriedly. "There's something wrong with you." "What is it?" Emma asked, on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry that we didn't catch it sooner." Dr. West said apologetically. "What is it!" Emma exclaimed. "You have leukemia Emma." Spike made a stifled cry. "Maybe you should sit down, Spike. You don't look good and we don't want any fainting incidents. It would hurt the baby." Spike lowered her very pregnant self into the chair beside the bed. "Emma, I'm so sorry. It just sort of appeared out of no where on your tests." "So what happens now?" Emma asked cautiously. "Well, we'll start you on treatments. Some tests will have to be done. Eventually you will have to star chemotherapy." "So i have to lose all my hair?" "Yes. If you want to save your life."  
  
"Mommy I'm so scared." Emma said tearfully on the way home. "I mean...I could die! What if I do? I'll never really get a chance to meet my new brother or sister!" "Emma..." Spike said in a reassuring voice, "Dr. West is a good doctor who knows what he is doing. We all just need to trust him and have a little faith. Alright?" "What am I supposed to do about school? Should I tell Manny? Think of how worried she would be! And what about Sean? I'm afraid that this would push him over the edge or something!" "Baby, I think it would be best if we only mention this to Snake. And maybe Mr. Raditch. Emma I am positive that you're going to be fine." As much as Spike tried to convince Emma, she couldn't even convince herself. She had been so excited about having another child, and now this bad news. If Emma did die, than she would never be able to get over losing a child and then having her replaced with a new baby. It doesn't matter, she thought to herself, because Emma is going to be fine.  
  
The next day at school...  
  
"Hey EM!" Sean smiled at her and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Hi Sean..." Emma said in a strange voice. "EM, what's wrong?" Sean asked her with a concerned look on his face. "Oh what? Nothing, I'm fine. Really." But Sean didn't believe her. He could tell that something was bothering her. "EM, why don't you just tell me? I thought that honesty was always the best policy. Is it something I did?" "Yes honesty is a good policy Sean, but so is trust. Trust me...I'm fine. You didn't do anything. You're perfect." "Well, I don't know about that," Sean said jokingly, "but if you say so!" All Emma could do was give him a weak smile. "Well, sorry EM, but i have to get home. I'm still grounded. Bye." He kissed her gently, just enough for his kiss to linger on her lips. "Bye." She said quietly. She loved the way he was so gentle towards her. The way his lips brushed hers. She loved the good feeling that overcame her whenever he appeared. The last thing she wanted was for that good feeling to go away. But Emma knew that it would have to. Despite what she wanted.  
  
Manny and Emma walking home...  
  
"EM, what's wrong? You've been really distracted today. What's up?" "Manny...I have to break up with Sean." "What! Why? I thought things were going great!" "They were. They are." Emma corrected herself, "But I can't let him get hurt. I have to protect him." "How is that protecting him? You're the only thing that keeps him together, EM. You do this and Sean will go over the line and do something like last time. Is that what you want?" "I have to." Emma said sadly. "Not a good idea." Manny said in a murmur. "Manny, I have to." Emma repeated, "You wouldn'y understand." "Whatever EM. Call me when the real Emma takes over again." "I'm sorry." Emma whispered even though she knew Manny would not hear it. Emma continued walking until she reached her doorstep. She dreaded to enter, afraid of what her mom would say. When she finally did, there was a note on the coat rack written in Snake's handwriting. It read: "Emma, your mother and I had to go to the doctor's for a check up. Be back around five. - Love, Snake." "That's just great..." Emma said to herself. Snake and her mother did not return at five though. Oh well, Emma thought, I should go to Sean's. Even though breaking his heart was the last thing in the world she wanted to do, she knew that it had to be done. Otherwise he would just be affected by her sickness. Emma didn't know how she was supposed to tell him without actually telling him. Silent tears streamed down her face as she entered his yard. Sean was in front of his house working on a motorcycle. When he saw her, he jumped to his feet. "Hey!" He said, "You came to visit me!" As soon as he saw Emma and her tear-stained face, he knew that this wasn't a pleasure visit. "EM, what is it?" Sean ran up and embraced her in a gentle, loving hug. "Sean, I don't know how I'm supposed to say this. I...I can't be with you anymore. " What?" Sean said as he slowly let her go. "Is this about the dinner with your parents thing? Because I thought that everything was cool." Tears started to well in his eyes. "Emma, what's this about? If it's something I did, I'm sorry. But please don't do this. I...I love you." That was the first time he had ever said that to her. "I have to go." Emma replied in a cracked voice, avoiding his eyes for it would have killed her to look into his tear-filled eyes. She started to walk fast to the gate, but Sean caught her arm. "Emma please, look at me. At least tell me why. Don't you think that I deserve that much? Please, don't go." "Bye Sean. I'm sorry." He let her go. Sean watched as she drifted farther and farther away. The only good thing in his life had just dumped him. Sean felt like he wanted to die. "Might as well." He said to himself. Instead, he decided to go for a ride on his bike. He was so upset and distracted that he totally forgot all about his loose breaks. 


	3. Revelations

Meanwhile at Emma's...  
  
Emma ran back to her house. She felt like such dirt. "How could I do this to him?" She asked herself. Just then the phone rang. "Hello? Oh, hi Snake!" "Emma you need to get down here now!" "What's wrong? Is it mom?" "Yeah. She went into early labor. She's about halfway along now. But her blood pressure is really high and I think it would calm her nerves to see you." "Alright, I'm coming!" She hung up the phone and headed for the door. When she opened it she was face to face with Manny. "Manny! I can't talk! I have to go to the hospital! My mom went into early labor!" "Okay, I'll come with you!" "Alright, just come on!" Emma grabbed Manny's arm and started running down the street.  
  
Manny and Emma ran up the steps leading to the hospital entrance. "Can I help you young ladies?" The lady at the front desk asked. "Yes." Said Emma, out of breath, "Where's Christine Nelson's room?" The lady checked her roster, "Room 416." "Thanks!" Manny called back as they took off at a run. "Look! There it is!" Manny said, pointing at the door. Emma opened the door slowly and quietly, poking her head inside. "Snake!" Emma whispered. Snake turned around to face her. It was easy to tell that he had been crying. Emma looked on past him and saw that her mother was not there. "Where's mom?" Emma asked. "In the recovery room." Snake replied, looking at the floor. "Emma I'm sorry. There will not be a new baby." "What does that mean?" Said Emma frantically. "It means that what would have been our new baby girl is dead." As he said this, tears started rolling down his cheeks. "The poor thing. She was a still birth. I'm sorry EM." Emma started bawling. She ran up to Snake and he embraced her in a father-daughter hug. Emma looked back at Manny. She had totally forgotten about Manny. "I'm sorry." Manny mouthed at Emma. Just then the door opened and Dr. West entered. Snake let Emma go and ran over to the doctor. "How is she?" He demanded. "Christine will be fine. The only damage done is emotional. I'm sorry about your daughter. You can go see her now. But only you Archie." Snake rushed out of the room. "So Emma," He changed the subject, " are you taking care of yourself? At this time you shouldn't be doing too much strenuous activity." "What's this?" Manny asked hurriedly. "Emma's cancer. She shouldn't be doing to much." Emma ran out of the room. "Wait, EM!" Manny called. "Thanks." She said to the doctor and ran after Emma. "Emma wait!" "Manny just leave me alone! I need to go home and think." "You need to stop, EM." "What?" Emma asked, turning to look at Manny. She could tell that Manny was fighting back tears. "So this is what you problem today at school was? You have cancer? How long have you known? I mean...were you ever planning on telling me?" "Only a couple days." Emma said. "EM, why wouldn't you tell me?" "I didn't want to worry you. Plus, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. Dr. West said that I should just go on living my life as normally as possible. As if I had never found out. I'm sorry." "This is why you had to dump Sean?" Manny asked, ignoring her apology. Tears rolled down her white face. "Manny don't cry, you'll make me cry! And that's the last thing that I need now. But yes, that's why I had to dump Sean. Do you understand now?" "No, I'm afraid that I don't. EM, why are you so afraid to let him know? He would probably get closer to you. Don't you want that?" "I don't know..." Emma said, her voice trailing off with her thoughts. 


	4. Crash

Meanwhile on his motorcycle...  
  
Sean was racing down the street on his motorcycle, not paying attention to how fast he was going, unaware of all the cars. He felt alone...empty. He tried to tell himself that he didn't care, that Emma had never mattered to him that much anyways. But he knew that wasn't true. At the time, Emma had been the most important thing to him. He had always tried to be a better person for her. Without her, Sean felt like he had nothing to live for. He didn't know where he was going. All Sean wanted to do was run...run from his problems. Sean had always liked riding bikes. The thrill seemed to take his mind off things. The wind would blow his thoughts away just as it blew his hair. But not this time. He couldn't get Emma and her face out of his head. "Get over it." He said to himself. He was going way over the speed limit and was not paying attention to any other cars. Emma would have been scared to see him like that. Just then...CRASH!  
  
"Emma, why don't you spend the night? Mr. Simpson is probably going to stay with your mom tonight." Manny said. "Yeah...alright. Lets go to my house so I can get some stuff." "Okay." Manny and Emma headed toward the elevator. Manny hit the number one button and down they went. Emma was starting to feel better about everything that had happened in the past few days...until they reached the first floor. "Excuse me!" A paramedic yelled at them. He was accompanied by 3 more men, all pushing a stretcher at a run. They stopped right by Emma and Manny at the front desk. The paramedic was yelling orders at the nurse. Emma looked down to see who was in such a critical state.  
  
It was Sean. She screamed at the sight of him. He had a oxygen mask over his mouth. His shirt was now reduced to rags just hanging limply off his body. He was badly cut and bruised. She thought of his lips. The lips that had touched hers just this day were now cut and under a mask. Immediately Manny realized what had made Emma scream. "Oh my god! EM, it's Sean!" They both burst into tears. "Will he be alright?" Emma asked a paramedic through her continuous sobs. "I think he'll make it. But he's hurt pretty bad. A few broken ribs and a left arm. But there may also be some internal bleeding that we have to search for. He's lucky that he didn't break his neck. The poor kid totaled his motorcycle." "Oh, okay thank you." They started to wheel Sean away. "Come on EM. We should go." Manny started towards the exit but Emma did not follow. Instead, she was following Sean into the elevator. "EM wait!" Manny cried but Emma entered the elevator and watched the doors close. "Are you family of his?" One of the paramedics asked Emma. "Yeah a cousin." 


	5. Understanding

Emma's head was racing. She felt so confused and lost. Her life had suddenly taken a big turn for the worst. The elevator stopped on the fourth floor. Emma exited after the gurney and followed it down the hall. They wheeled Sean into and empty room and lifted his bruised body gently onto the bed. Immediately, nurses and doctors were rushing all around him. Emma refused to leave his side, for she knew that it was her fault that Sean was in this terrible state. Emma sat by his side for hours. All she could ask the doctors was, "Isn't there anything you can do?" "No. We have to wait till he wakes up to perform any kind of procedure." The nurses kept changing with each hour.  
  
They all kept saying the same thing to Emma, that she should go home and rest. But that wasn't going to happen. Emma wanted to be the first face Sean saw when he awoke. If he ever would wake. It seemed like days before he stirred awake. Emma was in the corner, pacing back and forth, constantly checking on Sean. Sean woke up suddenly, as if from a bad dream. He looked around at his setting and spotted Emma. "Emma?" He whispered. The sound of his voice startled her. "Oh my god, Sean! You're awake, thank god!" She ran to the bedside and grabbed his hand. "Emma what happened? Is this the hospital?" "Yeah, you've been asleep for hours. You got in a crash somehow." "Have you been here the whole time?" He asked Emma. "Yep. Ever since they wheeled you in. Me and Manny were on our way out and were nearly run over." "What were you doing here in the first place?" Sean asked as he tried to sit up. He felt a stabbing pain in his left side. He grasped at it, "Ah...!" Sean gasped. "Are you alright?" Emma asked. Sean nodded. "Well I was here because of my mom."  
  
Emma's eyes started to fill with tears. Just the thought of the baby and the sight of Sean was overwhelming her with sadness. "The baby died. A still birth." "Emma, I'm so sorry." Said Sean in a sincere voice, "Really, I am." "Thanks. I'll be alright eventually." Suddenly, Sean started coughing violently. "Sean? Sean!" She ran out of the room and into the hall, screaming for help, "Please, someone! He needs help!" A doctor came running from his office. "What's this?" He asked. "In there." Emma replied, pointing at the door. "What happened?" "I don't know!" Emma said frantically, "He just started coughing!" She looked over at Sean. The coughing stopped. He blacked out. In a second, at least three doctors had entered Sean's room. Emma was ordered to get out.  
  
Eventually, she was pushed out. In all the chaos with Sean, Emma had completely forgotten about her mom. She started walking towards her room. Emma opened the door slowly and quietly and saw Snake kneeling at her mom's bedside. "Snake!" Emma whispered. "Emma? What are you doing here? I thought you were going to Manny's. It's got to be at least three in the morning." "I know." Emma replied, "But they brought Sean in and I have been with him for awhile." "Sean? What's with Sean?" "He crashed his motorcycle. He's in pretty bad shape." "Oh Emma-" "I know, you're sorry. I've been hearing that too much in the past few days." "This must be so hard for you. Everything just all happened at once." "Yeah...how's mom?" "Sleeping. Probably shouldn't wake her." "Alright." Said Emma, "I'm gonna go check on Sean." Emma walked slowly back to Sean's room.  
  
When she arrived, it was emptied of all doctors and nurses. Sean lay on the bed, motionless. Emma got a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. He looked dead. But he wasn't. Just then a nurse entered, carrying a plastic bag full of clear liquid. "Excuse me, but what just happened? Why did he start coughing?" "I don't know yet. Probably just some kind of side effect to his crash or the drugs." Sean awoke again, completely unaware of what had just happened. The nurse hooked up the bag of liquid and then exited. Emma spoke only after she left. "Are you okay?" "I think so." Sean said, "My throat and chest hurt really bad. So does my left side." "Yeah, you have broken ribs on that side. And a broken arm." "Oh. I don't even remember what really happened. I know I was upset because of you and I was speeding on some road and yeah...now I'm here." "Sean I am so sorry. I didn't think that this would happen." "It's my fault EM. I was the one driving recklessly. Don't blame yourself for my mistake." "But you wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't done what I did." "Yeah, you're probably right. But I should have a better handle on my emotions." "I'm so sorry Sean. I didn't mean to hurt you." Sean looked into his lap as he spoke, "Why did you do it? What did I do wrong?" "Nothing, Sean nothing. I did it because I thought it was right." "Why would you think that? I thought things were going good with us." Sean said mystified.  
  
"They were. You really want to know why?" "Yeah, I think I deserve that much." "Alright...you're not going to like it. I have leukemia, Sean." Sean looked up at her. "What?" He asked as if he hadn't heard her. "I do. I thought it would be best to keep you away from me and my problem. It seemed better than you getting involved." "EM, I'm involved now." "I know, and I'm sorry." She looked into Sean's bruised eyes and saw that he had silent tears gliding down his cheeks. "Well...is there something you are going to say?" Emma asked him cautiously. "Yeah. Why would you want me out of your life because of cancer? Don't you think that I would have been supportive and understanding?" "You can't understand something that you've never experienced so don't say that you'll be understanding because you don't understand. You have no idea how scary it is to think that something like cancer is eating away at you." She yelled at him. "You're right...I don't know what it's like. I'm sorry." "I need to go home and sleep. I'll come later today, okay?" "Alright." He replied. Emma wanted to run over to him and give him a hug. But she restrained herself. He looked so fragile. She didn't want to be the one to break him. 


	6. Letting it all out

Emma awoke at 4:00 in the afternoon. She was so thankful that it was Saturday. She felt awful. The past day was a blur to her. As if none of it had actually happened; a bad dream. But it wasn't a bad dream, it had all really happened. The baby died and Sean was in the hospital. Emma had not found a spare moment to grieve about the baby, until now. Just the thought of her mom going through the whole pregnancy just to have the baby die...it brought tears to her eyes. It hadn't really hit Emma till now that there would not be a new baby.  
  
Emma wanted to talk to someone but she didn't know who would understand a little how she felt. But then Craig popped into her mind. Emma ran to the bathroom and jumped in the shower. When she was done, Emma pulled on jeans and a top and ran downstairs. Emma knew that her mom and Snake would not get home while she was gone so she didn't bother to leave a note. Emma grabbed her purse and headed over to Joey Jeremiah's, Craig's step- father's. She got there and rang the door bell. The door opened, it was Craig.  
  
"Emma! What's up? Come in." "Hey Craig. Thanks." Emma walked in and stepped over some of Angela's toys. "Sorry about the mess. Ang was having a fit and throwing everything everywhere! So what's up?" "My sister died." Emma said sadly, "She was a stillbirth." "What?" Craig and Emma both turned to look at Joey. "The baby died?" Joey asked. "Yeah..." "Emma, I'm so sorry." Craig said, pulling her into a big bear hug. "How's Snake and your mom?" Joey asked. "I...I don't know. They're at the hospital still." "Okay. I'm going to go see them. EM do you want a ride?" "No, no thanks. Actually I came to talk to Craig." "Okay. Later guys." "Bye." Craig and Emma said in unison.  
  
"EM, let's sit down." "Okay." "If you don't mind me asking...why did you want to talk to me? Why not Sean?" "Sean's in the hospital. And...he hasn't lost a loved one like you have." "Wait, why is Sean there? What happened to him?" Craig asked, eyes full of concern. "He crashed on his bike." Emma said. "Oh...wow...I'm sorry I'm not focusing. So how is it I can help you? I mean...I can't make the pain go away." "I know. But...how did you deal with it?" Emma asked. "Well. It's hard. You just think that it was meant to happen. You have to keep living EM." "I know. I just don't see why a poor little baby dying is for the better." "I can't help you with that. You'll have to wait and see." "I'm sorry about your dad, Craig. And your mom." "That's alright. It's tough to accept but...I'm happy. Like really happy. I live with my step-dad who's great and my little sister that I love..." His voice trailed off. "I'm sorry EM, I shouldn't have said that." "It's okay Craig. It's reality."  
  
Tears were starting to leak from the corners of Emma's eyes. Craig pulled her into another hug. Emma just let it all out on Craig's shoulder. "It's gonna be alright." Craig said, trying to calm her down. He didn't let her go until she did. "Are you okay?" Craig asked, looking at her. "Yeah. Thanks Craig. This helped a lot." "Anytime, EM. Anytime. Hey...do you want to go visit Sean?" Craig asked. "Yeah, sure." They got up and went out the front door.  
  
AT THE HOSPITAL...  
  
"Hey.." Joey said, knocking on the open door. "Hey Joey." Snake said, turning around to look at him. "Hi Spike." He said. He walked up and planted a small kiss on her cheek. "Hey Joey." Spike said in a dazed voice. Snake and Joey walked out into the hallway. "How's everything?" Joey asked. "Oh...it's all not good. One bad thing just keeps racking up on top of the other." "I'm sorry man. Just remember, I'm here anytime you need to talk or whatever, okay?" "Yeah, thanks Joe. I'll keep that in mind." "Well, sorry to cut this short but I have got to get Ang from a friends' house. Call me okay?" "You got it." They hugged and Joey left.  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
Craig and Emma walked down Sean's hallway, Emma in the lead. "Which one is it?" Craig asked. "That one." Emma pointed to the third door on the left. "I don't know if he'll be awake." Emma said, trying to find a reason not to go in. "Well, lets go find out." Craig walked over to the door and opened it. Sean looked over to see who it was. This time, he had a cast on his left arm. He wasn't wearing a shirt, so on his left side, bandages wrapped around his broken ribs were visible. He looked better than he had the last time Emma had seen him. 


	7. New Found Love

"Oh man. You look awful." Craig said in a joking voice. "Thanks. Nice to see you too." "Man what were you thinking! I thought you were smarter than that!" "I'm sorry, I was upset." Sean looked over into Emma's sorry eyes. "What were you so upset about?" Craig asked, looking to see what Sean was staring at. Emma's eyes pleaded at Sean not to tell Craig anything. "Nothing really. I don't know, I wasn't having a good day." Sean said, reading Emma. "Oh whatever man. Just happy that you're alive!" "Yeah, me too." Sean said, tearing his gaze away from Emma. "Craig." Joey said, popping his head inside the door. "We need to go, partner." "Okay. Bye Sean." He walked over to him and shook his hand. "Bye man. Thanks for coming." Craig did a little wave to Emma. "Bye Craig." Emma said quietly, staring at the floor. She felt so awkward being alone with Sean now. Things were not the same and they never would be again.  
  
"EM..." Sean started but Emma interrupted him. "Sean, I made a mistake." "What are you talking about?" "I shouldn't have assumed your reaction. I should have told you first thing and known that you would take it ok. And I should have known that this would bring us closer...I'm sorry..." Sean was staring into his lap. "Yeah, you probably should have. I thought you knew me EM. It's kind of insulting to hear that you think I am that kind of a person." "I know but...I was scared. I didn't want to lose you." "EM, you dumped me. And you say you didn't want to lose me? That makes no sense." Sean said, trying to stay calm. "Sean I know! I wasn't thinking straight. But now I realize that it was a mistake." "What are you saying?" Sean asked, looking up at her. "I'm saying that I'm sorry and that I never wanted to do what I did and I want us back together. That is if you'll forgive me." "EM, I really want us to be back together. You say how bad I was without you. I don't ever want to be like that again." Emma smiled her first real smile in days. She walked over to his right side and pulled him into an intimate hug. "I love you." She whispered in his ear.  
  
Sean pulled back to look at her. He could tell that she meant it. He was sure by the look on her face. "I love you, too." He said, somewhat still in awe. He pulled her back down and gave Emma her first real kiss. Not just a spin-the-bottle kiss, but a real one, by the one you love. Emma thought to herself that this couldn't be more perfect. For the first time she was really, truly happy. 


	8. Best Friends

Emma ran up her front steps. She was so excited! She had to call Manny and tell her everything! Emma ran up to her room, grabbed the phone, and flopped on her bed. "Manny!" She said happily, "Oh it feels like I haven't talked to you in days!" "Hi, EM. What are you so happy about?" "Come over and I'll tell you!" "Okay...be right there." "Great!" Emma said, hanging up the phone. Things were a lot better now. She was accepting the loss of the baby, her and Sean were in love, and she had totally forgotten about her leukemia. About five minutes later there was a knock on the door. Emma ran down and swung the door open. "Manny!" She said. But it wasn't Manny; it was Tracker. "Oh, no sorry. EM, do you know where Sean is?" Oh my god, Emma thought, no one told Tracker. "Um...yeah...come in. Please sit down. Do you want something to drink?" Emma offered, trying to put off the subject. "No, thanks. EM, where is Sean?" Emma let out a huge sigh. "No one called you?" "No. Emma you're really starting to scare me. Where's my little brother?" "Tracker...he's..." She was cut off by the doorbell. 'Sorry. I'll be right back." Emma ran to the door and let Manny in.  
  
"Hey." Emma said, "Could you go upstairs for a few minutes?" "Yeah, sure." Manny said, looking past Emma, at Tracker. Manny ran up to Emma's room and closed the door. "Sorry about that." Emma said, joining Tracker in the living room. "No problem. EM, where's Sean?" "He's...he's in the hospital." Emma said hurriedly. "What!" Tracker said, jumping to his feet. "Tracker calm down! He crashed his motorcycle." "Wait was it his motorcycle or one of mine?" Tracker asked. "Um...his I think." "Oh god. The brakes were lose, he was supposed to fix them! Thanks EM, I got to go see him." Tracker said, walking to the door. "Yeah, no problem."  
  
As soon as he left, Emma ran to her room to join Manny. "What was that about?" Manny asked as Emma entered. "He didn't know where Sean was." Emma replied. "Serious? That's weird." "Yeah, I know." "Yeah so how are you doing? I've been really worried. But I thought that I probably shouldn't call." "I'm better. I mean, Sean's alive and we're back together!" Emma exclaimed. "Really? Oh, EM that's awesome!" "Not only that...I told him I love him and he said it back." Emma waited excitedly for Manny's reaction. "Love?" Manny said. "Yeah! Real love! I've never felt so light-hearted." "EM, are you serious? That's kind of sudden isn't it?" "You don't have to act to happy for me Manny!" Emma said sarcastically, "I know it's sudden. I think that I have been in love with him for a while now but never realized it! It took his near death experience to bring it all out. You get what I'm saying? Like, almost losing him and thinking that I was going to lose him made me realize how much I would miss him." "Yeah, I get what you mean. EM, I'm so jealous of you and Sean. After Craig, I feel like I'm never going to find another guy who likes me." "Don't worry! We're only in grade eight! There's plenty of time to find someone!" "Yeah, I guess so." Manny said. "And who says that Craig doesn't like you?" "Well, last time he said I was acting too young." "He did?" Emma said, surprised. "Well, act more mature! I mean, he liked you before, he might still. Feelings like that don't just disappear." "Yeah I guess so." Manny said, "but enough about me! I'm dying to hear more about you and Sean. Tell me everything." "Okay! Manny calm down!" Emma gave Manny a very detailed account of what happened with her and Sean. "Oh, EM that's so romantic!" Manny said once Emma had finished. "Well, it could have been a more romantic setting..." Manny said. "I don't think so." Emma said, dazed. "It was perfect. It reminds me of something out of a movie." "You're so lucky EM." Manny said, a hint of jealousy in her tone. Emma caught on this. "Manny don't worry! Craig was just one guy! There are plenty that would be dying to go out with you!" "I don't know about that. I mean, I'm not really..." Emma cut her off, knowing what she was about to say, "Manny you're gorgeous! Say that you're not and I'm going to have to slap you!" Manny and Emma both laughed. "Thanks EM. I appreciate it." "Hey, what are best friends for?"  
  
"Do you want to do something?" Manny asked. "Like what?" "I was thinking about going to see Sean possibly?" Manny said, smiling. A grin lit up on Emma's face. "Manny we don't have to go. We can do something else." "No it's alright EM. I haven't gotten to see him. Lets go buy some flowers though first okay?" "Okay." Emma said happily. 


	9. Choosing The Right Words To Say

Emma was amazed at how great her best friend was. She thought to herself how lucky she was to have Manny. They grabbed their jackets and money and left. As the walked to the florist, Emma told Manny about her and Craig's conversation earlier. "Manny don't worry! I didn't mention you at all!" "Okay. Just checking." "And if I had, which I didn't," Emma said, looking at Manny reassuringly, "I don't see why it would have been so awful! I know that you wonder if he still likes you." "I do but..." "But what?" Emma asked. "But I'm not sure that I want to know, okay? I don't know if I could handle it." "Manny, I'm sure that a part of him still does." "Whatever," Manny said, entering the flower shop, "I like those!" She said, pointing to a big bouquet of yellow and white roses. "Yeah, me too." Emma said. Manny grabbed the flowers off the rack and brought them to the counter. "$21.25" The sales lady said. Manny and Emma put their money together to pay for the flowers.  
  
"Oh, wait we need a card!" Emma exclaimed after they had already exited. "We should probably give separate cards." Manny said, "Since you know, you guys are in love." "Yeah, you're right." They walked to the hallmark store and over to the get well cards. "Oh, I like this one." Emma said. She reached for one that had three hearts on the front. She opened it and inside it said "ALWAYS." "Oh, that's romantic." Manny said despairingly. "I'll take this one." Manny said. It was nothing special, just a friendly get-well-soon card. Emma reached into her purse and grabbed a pen. She set the card against the wall and wrote a note. When finished, Emma handed the pen to Manny.  
  
They paid and walked to the hospital. They started walking towards Sean's room when a security guard blocked their path. 


	10. Love Never Dies

"It's past six, visiting hours are over now." He said. "Oh, okay." Manny said, looking at Emma for instructions. Emma led them over to a pair of chairs up against a wall. They sat down. "EM, what are we going to do now?" "We get past the guard and go see Sean." "How do you propose we do that?" "I don't know. I will think of something."  
  
Emma looked around the hospital. She watched out the clear glass doors at an ambulance that was unloading a victim. "Emma we should just go home. We can come tomorrow." "No...I have a plan." The doors burst open and at least five men came in, all pushing one rolling gurney. Emma jumped to her feet and grabbed Manny. They hid behind the gurney, and with ease, made it successfully to Sean's door. They entered Sean's room slowly and quietly. Sean appeared to be sleeping...or dazing, one of them. Emma handed the cards and flowers to Manny and walked to Sean's bedside. "Sean..." she whispered in his ear. When he didn't wake, Emma bent down and laid her lips gently on his. Sean awoke with a big jump. Emma straightened up so he could get a good look at her. "Hey..." he said sleepily. "I'm sorry, I had to wake you, but Manny wanted to see that you were okay." "Manny?" He said thickly. "Hey Sean." Manny said, moving a little closer to him. "Here, we brought you these." She said, showing him the flowers. "Oh, thanks Manny." He said. Sean noticed that Manny had some tear streaks on her face.  
  
"Manny, what's wrong? I'm fine...really." "I know," Manny said, walking over to him, "but if you could have seen yourself when they brought you in..." Manny started bawling her eyes out. Sean was shocked. He had never seen Manny cry before, and he certainly never thought that it would be for him. He did the first thing that came to mind. "Come here." he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a one-armed hug. "Manny, it's okay, I'm fine. I'm sorry that you had to see me like that." "Yeah...me too." She said. Sean was still holding onto Manny. Emma's eyes flickered. "Sean," she said, "we also brought you cards." Manny let go of Sean immediately. "Yeah, yeah we did, didn't we." Manny gave a weak laugh. She grabbed the cards from the bedside table. "Thanks." Sean said, taking them from Manny's hands. He opened and read Manny's first. "Thanks Manny." "No problem, Sean." She replied. Sean didn't read Emma's. He didn't want them there when he did. "Well, we should probably go." Emma said. "We're not technically supposed to be here." "Okay." Sean said. "Thanks for coming." "Anytime." Manny said.  
  
Emma leaned down and kissed Sean. "Love you." she whispered in his ear. "I love you too, EM." He said. "Bye Sean." Manny said, blowing him a kiss. "Bye." Sean said as he watched them leave. Then he remembered Emma's card. He opened it and it read:  
  
"Dear Sean, I know that this wasn't a good thing that happened but in some ways it made us stronger. Nearly losing you made me realize how much it would have killed me. It was such an awful feeling and I never want to be that scared again. It also made me realize how much I really love you. So lets make a pact, okay? Lets promise to always stay friends, even if we don't stay together as more than friends. Even ten years from now, if we don't even talk, I will always love you. The love that I feel for you is the kind that never dies. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. ALWAYS, Emma."  
  
The ALWAYS was printed on the card. By the time he had finished reading, Sean had tears welled in the corners of his eyes. "I love you, too." He said softly aloud to himself. 


	11. Questions

A/N: yusuf, emma and her cancer kind of fades through the story and other big events happen with the other characters and then the cancer part of the story rises alot at the end. there is not big dramatic shock involving her chemo.  
  
Emma and Manny walked through Emma's front door. Snake and Spike were sitting in the living room. "Mom! Snake!" Emma exclaimed. She ran up and gave them each a big hug. "What are you guys doing back so soon?" "Well," Spike started, "there was no real reason for me to stay there another night so I asked to be released." "Oh. Well, I came to visit you today but you were sleeping." "Yeah. Snake told me. Thanks for not waking me." "No problem." "Hi Manny." Spike said. "Hey Mrs. Nelson. Are you feeling better?" "Better, yeah." "Cool." "Well mom, Snake, we're just going to go upstairs. Is it alright if Manny stays the night?" Emma asked. "Sure, it's fine." Snake said. "Great. Come on Manny."  
  
They headed up the stairs to Emma's room. "So EM," Manny said, " how are you feeling? I mean, do you feel any different?" Emma really wished that Manny had not asked this. Yes, on the inside she felt different. She was scared. But physically, she felt exactly the same. But Emma knew that was only because it was early on. As things progressed she would feel tired and wasted. "Manny..." Emma said, 'I don't feel any different. I'm scared if that's what you mean." "I'm scared too, EM. I know it's not the same but...I guess you could say that I'm scared for you." "It'll be fine, Manny. Sometime soon they will start me on treatments. And they said that I will have to start chemo therapy." "Really? I guess it's not so bad. You could buy a bunch of wigs and change your hair color every week! I guess that's kinda cool, EM." "Manny, I would rather keep my natural blonde hair than wear a wig." "I know but at least you have an alternative. You know, as opposed to going bald." "Yeah. Manny can I ask you a question?" "Sure, anything. What's up?" "Do you have a thing for Sean?" 


	12. Dreams and Lies

"What!" Manny exclaimed, "No! EM, why would you think that?" "Well, because at the hospital today you and him seemed really close. You sure looked like you really enjoyed that hug." "EM, he loves you. I don't have any kind of thing for Sean. We're only friends." "But the way you reacted to him today. You were so happy to see him." "Yeah, EM. Because we are FRIENDS. Believe me, I have never thought of him that way! I just think he's sweet, that's all." "Okay. Phew! I was worried for a second." "No, EM, I don't like Sean. Everything is fine."  
  
Manny had her fingers crossed behind her back. The truth was, ever since Craig, Manny had been secretly crushing on Sean. But now that he and Emma, her best friend, were "in love" she knew that she would have to get over her little crush. "Well, Manny, do you want to watch a movie and pig out on junk food?" Emma asked happily. "You know it!" Manny said. They walked back downstairs to the living room. "You grab the movie and I'll get the food ready, okay?" Emma said. "Okay." Manny replied. Manny felt a little worried now. Had she been that obvious? She's just have to get over him in time and tone it down a bit until then. Manny chose Charlie's Angels. She thought some girls kicking ass would help lighten the mood a little.  
  
Emma came back to join Manny with the food. "Oh, I love that movie!" Emma said while handing the popcorn to Manny. "Thanks." she said. They grabbed some couch pillows and settled themselves on the floor at the foot of the TV. Emma couldn't concentrate on the movie. All she could think about was the hug that Manny and Sean had shared earlier. "It was just a hug." she told herself. But Manny had seemed to enjoy it a lot. Then again, it had been Sean who pulled her into the hug. But Sean doesn't have any feelings for Manny, other than friendly. He loved her, Emma. "Stop being so paranoid." Emma said to herself. Emma focused her attention back on the movie.  
  
After the movie, they went to sleep right away, for both of them were bushed. As troubled as both of them felt, it didn't stop them from sleeping. The thought of Sean cheating on her with Manny haunted Emma in her dreams. She dreamt that the three of them were standing in one big, empty room...alone. Sean was being forced to choose between her and Manny. He stood there, looking at each one of them. Finally, he reached his hand out to Manny; she took his hand.  
  
"Sean!" Emma heard herself say. "We're supposed to be in love!" "Yeah," said dream Sean, " well, we were. It's true, I did love you. But then I found Manny." Dream Manny smiled a pretty smile and batted her long eyelashes. Sean looked lovingly into her eyes. "But I don't get it. How did everything change?" "You have always tried to change me, whereas Manny, my new love, has always accepted me with my faults." "You're crazy! I have never tried to change you! You know that you can always be yourself around me, Sean! That's what I like about you." "No, I can't. But it doesn't matter now. That's old news. Come on, Manny." "Whatever you say, Sean." Manny said obediently. "Whatever you say, Sean." Emma mocked Manny's words. Dream Sean and Manny jumped on his motorcycle and rode away, leaving Emma there, alone....  
  
Emma woke with a start. "You okay?" Manny asked sleepily. Emma didn't bother to reply because she knew that Manny had already dozed off again. "I have to go see Sean!" Emma said aloud to herself. 


	13. Midnight Visit

Emma got quietly out of her bed, careful not to wake Manny. She didn't want Manny to come with her. Emma grabbed a jacket and crept downstairs. She looked around the corner into the living room just to make sure that no one was there. She opened the front door quietly and walked onto the top step. Emma was careful not to slam the door. She walked down onto the sidewalk and set off at a run. Emma reached the hospital ten minutes later. She walked inside and right to the elevator. Emma hoped that there would be no one blocking her way to Sean.  
  
She got off on the fourth floor and fortunately there was no one that stopped her. When she reached Sean's door, Emma hesitated to go inside. It was only a dream right? It didn't mean anything! But Emma had to know the truth and what Sean thought about her dream. Emma entered quietly, closing the door behind her.  
  
"Emma?" Sean's voice said from behind her. "Oh!" Emma jumped. "I didn't think that you would be up." she said. "What are you doing here?" Sean asked, "It's the middle of the night." "I know. I wanted to see you. Actually, I needed to see you." "Okay..." said Sean, confused, "what's up?" He was getting a strange-scary vibe from her. "Something wrong, EM?" "Yeah," she replied, "I had a dream." "Um...okay?" Sean wasn't understanding what the big deal was, "And...?" "Sean, it was about you and me." Now he was becoming really nervous. He took a deep gulp. "Okay. What about us?" "Actually, it was more about you and Manny." "What?" He was really confused.  
  
Emma then let it all out. She explained every little detail that happened and what was said. By the time she was done, Sean had a stupefied look on his face. He didn't get why Emma was so worried about a dream. Emma waited for his reaction. "So..." Emma said, looking straight into his eyes. She was looking for the slightest bit of unfaithfulness. But she didn't see any; all she saw was his gorgeous eyes. "So...?" Sean said back to her, "So what? EM, it was a dream. I don't know why you're so worried." "Sean, I want you to be completely honest with me. Have you ever had any feelings for Manny, other than friendly?" Sean's facial expression showed his disbelief. "Sean, it was just a question." "Emma! No! I barely know Manny. Besides, I love you remember?" Emma loved hearing him say that. Her face broke into an embarrassed grin. "Emma," he went on, "don't worry so much. I love you and nothing or no one is going to change that."  
  
Emma wrapped her arms around him. When she let him go, she was positively giddy! Sean was so perfect, she thought. Then, another thing that had been bothering her popped into her head. "Sean," Emma said, "have you ever felt like I am trying to change you in any kind of way? I mean, you know that I love you for who you are right? Because if you have ever felt that way I'm sorry." "EM," Sean said firmly, "I know that I can always be myself around you. That's why I love being with you. If anything, it would be me changing myself for you? You know, improving myself." Emma was confused. "What do you mean?" she asked. "It's like this. I am always trying to be the kind of guy that you deserve. I've been trying to make myself into a better person for you. I guess you could say that you're my inspiration to do anything. Do you get it now?" "Yeah." Emma replied, "I think so." "Okay good. Is that all that was bugging you?" "Yeah. I just really needed to talk to you. Thanks." "Anytime." Sean said. He gave a loud yawn. Emma knew she should get home and let him rest. "I need to get home. Besides, you need sleep so you can leave." She ran up and gave him a hug and a kiss.  
  
All Emma had been planning for was a little peck goodbye, but that wasn't what Sean had been thinking of. They went on for about a minute until Emma finally got next to him on the bed. "Sean." she said, pulling away, "I need to go." "Just stay a little longer." "Oh...okay." Emma said, smiling. Sean pulled her closer again and put his lips against hers. To him, this was bliss. He didn't want her to leave ever. Emma never left the hospital that night. Both her and Sean fell asleep on the little hospital bed, heads resting on one another's. 


	14. That Next Morning

That morning...  
  
Manny woke up at 9:45. "Emma." She said to see if Emma was awake too. She looked over and saw that Emma was not even there. "Emma!" Manny exclaimed, sitting up quickly. Manny jumped out of the bed and dashed around the house, checking every room. "Oh my god, where is she?" she said to herself.  
  
At the hospital...  
  
Sean lay asleep on his hospital bed. On his right side was Emma. She had spent the night. They laid together, looking so innocent.  
  
At Emma's...  
  
Manny was going out of her mind. Not necessarily with worry, but with confusion. Where had Emma gone? Then it hit her: Sean! Is she wasn't there then Sean might know where Manny could find her. Manny tip-toed down the stairs and out the door. Thankfully, Snake and Spike were both asleep. Manny didn't want Spike to worry about Emma. Manny speed-walked to the hospital. She ran into Sean's corridor and straight into his room. Manny was shocked when she entered. Emma was there, asleep, lying on the bed with Sean.  
  
"Emma! Sean! What are you guys doing?!" Manny exclaimed. They both shook awake. Emma lifted her head and looked around. Panic spread through her as she took in her surroundings. She looked down at Sean and jumped. "Manny, what happened?" "Oooo," Manny said, about to laugh, "you tell me EM. I woke up and you were gone. I came here to ask Sean if he might know where you were. I found you guys sleeping together." Sean wasn't really with it yet. "Who said my name?" He said thickly, not talking or looking at one particular person. Manny rolled her eyes. "Go back to sleep, Sean." Emma said. "Manny, I really don't remember hardly anything." That was a lie. Emma didn't want to tell Manny the reason she had come or about her and Sean's little make out session. "Really, EM?" "Yeah, really." Manny wanted to believe her but she knew that Emma was lying.  
  
"I dunno, maybe I sleep-walked or something." Manny was becoming very critical. Her tone was harsh, "You've never done that before. I've never heard of sleep-walking being a side effect for cancer." Manny said. Sean was up now. "Woah, Manny, you're getting out of line. You don't need to be saying stuff like that." Manny didn't care how much she liked Sean, at the moment he was annoying her. "Sean, mind your own business." Manny snapped at him. Manny was about to reply but Emma interrupted, "Okay...Manny nothing that you're thinking of happened last night. So will you please drop it?" Manny sighed. "Yeah...sorry Sean." "Okay." Emma breathed a sigh of relief. "Manny we should get back to my house." "Whatever." Manny exited. Emma waved at Sean and ran after Manny.  
  
"Manny, wait." "Look, EM, I'm not mad anymore." "I don't care about that. I just want to know why you got so upset. All you did was walk in on me and Sean sleeping. Nothing else." "I know EM...I'm just worried about you. You and Sean just all-of-a-sudden rush into love and I dunno, you guys are just moving awfully fast. And, not to sound like a paranoid best friend or something, but this wouldn't be the best time to get pregnant." "Manny! Sean and I have never even thought of having sex!" "Okay EM."  
  
Manny's mind trailed off to Sean. What a sweet boyfriend, she thought. She hoped that one day a guy would stand up for her like Sean did Emma. Manny heard a faint noise in the back of her mind. It got louder. "Manny?" Emma called at her. Manny had stopped dead in the middle of the street. She hadn't even noticed the five cars from all directions honking angrily at her. Emma ran up and pulled her out of the street. Once back on the sidewalk, Emma asked, "Where's your head?" "Huh? Oh, no where. Just stupid little day dreams." Emma just gave Manny a disbelieving look. "Whatever Manny. You have been really weird ever since we visited Sean yesterday." Had it only been yesterday, Manny thought. It seemed more like ages ago. It felt like so long since Sean had embraced her in his powerful arms...  
  
What am I saying(!?) Manny thought. He loves Emma. I just found them in bed together! Stop thinking of him! "Manny? Are you alright?" "Yeah." Manny replied quickly. "Just a little rattled still." "Oh..ok." They reached Emma's house. Once Emma entered, she felt a hard smack against her chest. "Emma!" Spike cried, squeezing Emma to her chest. "I was so worried!" "Why?" Emma gasped; she was a little out of breath. Snake caught onto this and peeled his wife off of Emma. Emma took in a deep breath of air. "We went for a walk, that's all." Manny said. "Yeah, sorry to worry you." "I thought you were dead!" Spike cried. She burst into a hysterical set of tears. "Mom!" Emma exclaimed, walking next to her mother. "We were not gone long. We only went out for a little walk around the neighborhood. You don't need to worry so much. I'm fine...we're fine!" Emma said, making a gesture at Manny. "Yeah!" Manny said, "Perfectly okay." "Okay..." Spike said, not very convinced, "if you say so." "Come one dear, lets go into the kitchen and make some coffee." "What? Oh, coffee, okay." They adjourned into the kitchen together. Manny and Emma went upstairs into Emma's room. "My go EM, your mom was really worried." "I know." Emma replied, "It was weird." 


	15. Attempted Ditch

Monday morning went by very slow. Emma would look at the clock and the hands would be moving backwards. Lunch finally came after what had seemed hours. "Thank god!" Emma said to Manny as they exited the classroom. "Why are you in such a hurry to get out of here?" "Sean's getting released!" Emma said happily. "Really? Already? They're just gonna let him go?" "Well, there's nothing else that they can do for him. There is no internal bleeding so everything is fine!" "Okay. Where do you want to sit?" Manny asked as they entered the cafeteria. "I don't care."  
  
They set their stuff down at an empty table. They were shortly joined by JT and Toby. "Hey guys," Toby said, "where were you all weekend?" "Around..." Emma replied airily. She didn't want to tell them anything. "Hey EM," JT began, "where is Sean today?" "How should I know?" Emma snapped. JT and Toby both looked at her. "What?" Emma asked, "I don't have to know his whereabouts every second!" "He's your boyfriend." Toby said bluntly, eyeing her curiously. "Something happen EM?" he asked. "No. Besides, I don't have to tell you everything do I?" Emma was starting to get mean. "Emma, we're your friends. Just wanted to know what was going on." Toby said. "Not really. And do I go asking about you and Kendra?" "EM.." Manny said. Emma was getting way out of line. "That's what you really think?" JT asked. "We're not really friends?" "Nice Emma, real nice." Toby said. They got up and walked out of the cafeteria. "Emma!" Manny exclaimed as soon as the boys left. "Why did you do that? They're like never going to speak to us again!" "Not a big loss." Emma said cooly.  
  
"Manny, trust me, we are better off without them!" "EM, maybe you're better off without them, but I'm not. You know, not everyone has a new found love like you. As far as I'm concerned, I need all the friends that I can get. I think that you should be thinking the same thing." Manny got up and started to walk. "Manny!" Emma called but Manny acted as if she didn't hear. Emma sat there, alone. She didn't know what to think. Did she lose Manny? Was Manny going to find JT and Toby? Would she be back? Emma didn't know. What she did know was that she had an uncontrollable urge to go and see Sean. "Just two more hours." Emma told herself. Her next class was math. She couldn't miss math. Then she remembered that it was just a study period! Just then, Emma jumped as end of lunch bell rang.  
  
Emma got up and acted casual as she headed the opposite direction from her classmates. Emma turned into the entrance hall and towards the front doors. Just then, Mr. Raditch came out of the men's washroom. They smacked right into each other. 


	16. A Good Person

"Sorry sir!" Emma said as she stood up. "Where were you going Miss Nelson? Class is that way." he said as he pointed down the hall. "Yeah, um, I know...but um...I was just..." Emma couldn't think of any good excuse. "You just what?" He asked curtly, "Miss Nelson please come with me to my office." Emma followed him into his office. "Have a seat." He said, making a gesture at the chair opposite him. Emma sat obediently. "Miss Nelson, are you aware of the consequences for cutting class? It is strictly forbidden as says in the Degrassi Code of Conduct." "Sir, I wasn't cutting class!" Emma lied. "Then what were you doing there?" Mr. Raditch asked suspiciously. He stared Emma down, just waiting for her to confess.  
  
"I needed to use to washroom sir." Emma sputtered out. "The washroom?" he asked, "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" "Well," Emma said, shifting in her chair, pretending to be uncomfortable, "I was embarrassed. You see, I was on my way to use the washroom because I felt that I needed to change my tampon. I hadn't changed it since this morning and it's really heavy..." Mr. Raditch put his hand up to stop her, "You needn't explain any further Miss Nelson." Emma was amazed at how well she had put that on; Mr. Raditch looked mildly uncomfortable. "Okay, thank you for understanding, sir." Mr. Raditch scribbled something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Emma. "There." He said, "It's a pass back to class...I mean, after you have used the...ahem...washroom." "Thanks sir." Emma said happily as she stood up and exited.  
  
Emma ran to the washroom and busted out laughing. She figured that since she had already been almost caught once that she shouldn't try to ditch again and just should go to class. Emma couldn't wait to tell Manny! But then she remembered, Manny wasn't speaking to her now. Knowing that put a damper on her mood. Emma handed Mr. Armstrong the note and took her seat next to JT. Being there made Emma feel bad about what she had said. All they had done was ask a simple question. Emma wrote JT a apology note. It read:  
  
Hey. I'm sorry that about earlier. I didn't mean one word of it! I would take it all back if I could. Forgive me? XO, EM.  
  
JT wrote back:  
  
EM, me and you have known each other for like five years, and you seem sorry, so I guess I forgive you. Not sure about Toby, though. He was more bent about it than me. Talk to him. - JT  
  
Emma and JT's eyes connected, she gave him a big smile. "Thank you." Emma mouthed. "No problem." JT mouthed back. Emma wrote two more apology notes and tossed one to Manny and the other to Toby. They both wrote back saying that she was forgiven. Emma felt like a good person again. The good person that she had been last week. Before her eventful weekend. Emma knew that she was on thin ice, especially with Manny. She wasn't going to lose it on her again. 


	17. A Third Wheel

After school got out, Emma, accompanied by Manny, ran to the hospital. Sean was in the lobby waiting for them. Emma ran straight into his one arm hug. She was so happy to see him out of the hospital bed and moving again. She planted a big kiss right on his, once again soft, lips. "Glad to see you too, EM. Hey Manny." Manny was standing back away from them. She gave a small wave and a simple smile. She felt very uncomfortable just standing there. Sean gave Manny a questioning look as if to ask what's wrong. Manny waved her hand to show that it was nothing. "Sean?" Emma asked confused. "What are you looking at?" "What? Oh, nothing, just saying hi to Manny." Yeah, that's all, EM." Manny piped in. "Whatever!" said Emma.  
  
She threw her arms around Sean's neck again. Nothing could bring her mood down now! But Sean still seemed to lack Emma's enthusiasm. His eyes were still on Manny. Manny had gone and sat down on a bench in the far corner. Some weird sensation came over Sean to go and sit next to her. Then he snapped back to reality. Emma let him go and grabbed his right hand. "Come on. We should take you back to your house. "Okay. Manny!" he said, trying to get her attention. "What?" "We're going. Are you coming?" "Yeah, I'm coming." She rose from her seat and walked out the exit with her friends.  
  
It was a quiet walk to Sean's. Emma and Sean walked hand-in-hand, slowly, behind Manny. Sean's eyes bore into the back of Manny's head. She could feel his gaze. Manny wanted to turn around and say, "What are you doing! You have a girlfriend! Stop doing this to me!" But she would never be able to do that. Especially in front of Emma. Emma was staring at the ground as she walked. Occasionally her eyes would travel to Sean's face. Every time he was staring at Manny. But why, she thought. Both of them had denied any kind of feelings for one another. Or had they been lying? She didn't want to know the explanation. It would just ruin the mood.  
  
Finally, Manny spoke. "Guys, I think that I am going to head home from here." "Why?" Sean and Emma asked in unison. "Because...I'm just the third wheel here. It's not really comfortable for me right now." "Okay." said Emma. "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'll call you later, EM. Bye Sean." "Bye Manny, thanks for coming to get me." Manny gave him a small nod. She turned around and started in the other direction. Truth be told, Emma was sort of relieved that Manny had left. "It's true, you know." Emma broke the silence. "What?" "Manny. She's sort of a third wheel." "Yeah, you're right. I kinda feel bad." "Me too, Sean. So maybe we can fix her up so she's not always alone!" "EM..." Sean began slowly, "we don't mess with other peoples personal lives. It never turns out good." "Oh, come on, Sean! Just talk to Craig about Manny! See what he thinks about a double date or something! It will be great!"  
  
"Emma!" Sean said, shocked, "No! You saw what happened the first time. It was a crash and burn! What makes you think that Craig will have changed his mind about Manny?" "Well," Emma began, "I have a perfect example of a bad first time around and then a wonderful second time! Come on Sean, sometimes people just need a second shot!" Sean knew exactly what she was talking about. He wished that she wouldn't use his mistake as an example. "Emma, can you just drop it? Craig won't go for it." "How do you know? I mean...at first I wouldn't have given you a second thought after..." Sean cut her off. "Do you have to remind me? I've been trying to forget about it. Can we please not talk about last year at all." "Okay!" Emma said. She was surprised at the way Sean had reacted. The rest of the walk was silent. Emma wasn't going to push this anymore. Sean had been really upset about last year. Emma had forgiven him, it was time that he forgive himself. 


	18. Hate Thicker Than Blood

When they reached Sean's house it was empty. "Do you want me to wait till Tracker gets home?" Emma asked, setting her hand on his arm. "Nah, it's okay. He'll be home soon." "Okay." said Emma. She kissed him goodbye and walked out his front door. Sean settled himself on the couch. He grabbed the remote and was flipping through channels when Tracker came stumbling home. Sean looked back and laughed to himself. Tracker was definitely not sober.  
  
Tracker saw Sean on the couch and his temper started to rise. How could Sean have been so stupid? He had known that the brakes had been loose on his bike. "Sean, you're back." Tracker said, trying to hide his anger. He slurred as he spoke, showing Sean just how drunk he really was. "Yep." Sean said, "Thanks for visiting me." "Sean, I couldn't. I really did come once but the nurse said I wasn't allowed in because the visiting hours were over." More slurring. Sean made a little disbelieving noise. "You could have found a way around her. Emma did a couple of times." Sean wasn't particularly bothered that Tracker hadn't come. He just felt like pushing his buttons. Tracker rolled his eyes. "Well I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am not as good as Emma. Maybe I'm just not as smart as she is." "You got that right." Sean said. tracker walked over to him.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sean stood up. "What do you think it means? When it comes to quick thinking, you're not exactly the quickest." "Oh, you wanna talk about being smart! Tell me Sean, is chugging tequila to solve a problem very smart? You always mess up, Sean." Tracker slurred again. Sean knew that it wasn't a safe idea to mess with Tracker when he was intoxicated but he didn't care anymore. "Shut up, Tracker. I'm happy right now. I've let the past go." Tracker laughed in Sean's face. Sean could smell his nasty, fuming breath. "What do you have to be happy about? Crashing your bike and landing in the hospital?" Sean responded with one word. "Emma." he breathed. "Oh Emma!" Tracker said sarcastically. "Silly me. So things going good with you and big-mouthed girlfriend?" "At least I have something good in my life!" Sean screamed at him.  
  
He didn't care if Tracker dissed him, but he wasn't going to let him bad- mouth Emma. "You have nothing!" Tracker yelled back at him, positively fuming with drunken rage. "You have your bitch, Sean! And how long do you think that is going to last? You're just going to end it by messing up again! Who would you be like then?" Tracker was expecting Sean to say their father, but a different name came out of his mouth. "You, Tracker. I would be just like you, drowning my problems in booze. And I'm gonna try hard as hell to make sure that doesn't happen."  
  
Tracker couldn't control his anger. He grabbed Sean's shirt and punched him in the face as hard as he could. Sean fell and smacked his head on the corner of the end table as he went. Tracker was in shock. He had just hit his already injured little brother. Sean just laid there. Tracker rushed to his side and bent down. Just then, Sean popped up and hit Tracker across the face. Tracker lost it again. He jumped on top of Sean and started hitting him all over. Tracker got up and put his foot right into Sean's injured side. Sean yelled out in pain. Tracker pulled his foot back to kick him again, but he couldn't. Sean was lying there with tears of pain in his eyes. "Sean..." Tracker said, becoming very scared. "Sean, I am so sorry." All Sean could manage to say through gritted teeth was, "I hate you." Tracker jumped to his feet, grabbed his leather jacket, and ran out the front door. Sean head his motorcycle start up. His own brother was leaving him, battered and bruised. 


	19. Unexpected Rescuer

Sean couldn't move. Every bone in his body felt broken. Sean tried to move towards the phone. He had to call Emma...or someone. Every slight move Sean that Sean made was painful. "Ahhh..." he said as he tried to crawl across the floor. Tears were welling in his eyes. Sean gave up on trying to get to the phone. He was slipping in and out of consciousness. He knew that he had to stay awake. "Help! Someone help me!" Sean yelled as loud as he could. He prayed that someone would hear him. Just his luck....  
  
Manny was walking in circles. From her house and back to Sean's. She wanted to tell him how she felt. Manny didn't expect it to change the way that Sean felt about Emma, but she just had to. "Come on..." she said to herself, "it'll help. Just go and be upfront. It'll be fine. It's not like he will start laughing or something. Don't be chicken." When Manny had finally worked up the courage, she turned onto Sean's street. About fifty feet from his house, just as she rounded the corner, Manny heard cries for help. She stopped dead and listened. Manny recognized the voice to be Sean's. She burst off sprinting, straight into Sean's house. She opened the door and studied the room with her eyes. "Sean!" Manny called. He was on the ground next to the couch so he was hidden from her view. "Manny!" Sean answered her call. She followed his voice, scanning the room as she went. Sean was a little curious as to why Manny was his rescuer, but he was grateful all the same. She found him on the floor, looking a terrible mess. Manny made a little gasp. "Oh my god, Sean, what happened?" She asked frantically, kneeling beside him.  
  
From a closer look it was easy to see that Sean had banged his head. "Oh my god, Sean, you're bleeding really bad! What happened to you?" "Doesn't matter." he replied. "Sean this is serious!" Manny said shrilly,"What happened? Who did this to you? Where's Tracker?" Sean gave Manny a pointed look. She put two and two together. "Sean...was is Tracker?" Sean nodded. "Manny, please call someone. I can't move...I'm...I'm really dizzy." Manny saw his eyes start to roll to the back of his head. "Sean? Sean! Stay with me...come on, stay awake!" She grabbed his arm and shook it a little. Sean grasped Manny's arm from the pain. "Ahh..!" "Oh sorry!" Manny said, frantically waving her hands, "I forgot that it's broken!" "Call someone, please!" Sean practically shouted, fighting back tears.  
  
Manny jumped to her feet and grabbed the phone off of the counter. She dialed 9-1-1. "Hello, I have an emergency! My friend...he's hurt really bad! He...he needs an ambulance." Manny told the person on the other line Sean's address and hung up. "Someone's on the way." Manny told Sean, exasperatedly. When he didn't reply, Manny looked over at him. Sean had blacked out. "Sean! Sean, wake up!" She was gentle slapping his cut face. Sean came back into consciousness. "What? What happened?" "Don't worry, someone is coming. It'll be okay, Sean." "Manny," Sean said pleadingly, "please don't tell anyone about Tracker and...you know. Please." "Sean, you have to report it. It's the only time it has happened, right?" She asked. "Yeah, it is. We were having a fight and I pissed him off. He was hella drunk and I just pushed him a little too far, I guess." "Sean, you have to report it. He has to get what he deserves. He hit you, Sean. He's you're guardian." Manny said, trying to get through to him. "No, Manny, I can't. You just said it yourself...he is my guardian...and my brother. If i tell then I'll be taken away from him. I have no where to go...I'd have to move again...and I really don't want to." "Sean..." She started to say but Sean cut her off. "It's no big deal, Manny. It'll never happen again."  
  
"You don't know that, Sean. This isn't something that he or you can guarantee." Manny said concernedly. "Manny, please? Just do this for me? Manny I'm really trying hear...please? Don't tell." Manny heaved a great sigh. "What are you going to say happened?" "I don't know...that I was mugged or something." "That'll never work." Manny said shortly. "Sean then the police will just go looking for some guy that doesn't exist." Sean wasn't worried about that now though. All he needed was to hear Manny promise. "Manny, please. Manny please don't make me beg." Manny looked down into his pleading eyes. She couldn't resist him...even though she knew it was wrong. "Oh, okay. I won't tell anyone." "Thank you." Sean said. Manny could tell by his face that he meant it. A thought hit Sean. "Manny, what were you doing here in the first place?" That slammed into her hard, like a ball knocking the wind right out of her. 


	20. Just Friends

"Uh.." Manny stammered. She had totally forgotten about her first intention of expressing her true feelings to him. "Oh. That. I was coming to see you. I have to tell you something. The truth is Sean..." Manny was cut off by the front door slamming open. Paramedics rushed in through the door and over to the two of them. They hooked Sean up to an IV and gently placed him on a gurney. Manny got into conversation with one of the paramedics. "Is he going to be okay?" Manny asked. "Yeah, he should be. Doesn't look like anything huge, but I guess you never know. Were you the one who found him?" Manny nodded. "Good job. You kept him conscious. You should be proud of yourself." "Thanks." Manny mumbled. The paramedic turned away and then turned right back again. "Any idea how he got this way?" "Nope." Manny said, looking as innocent as she possibly could. "You were just coming over and he was lying on the floor?" "Yep." Manny said, turning away. She hoped that all the questions were over. The paramedic stared at her back suspiciously. Manny could feel his gaze and silently prayed that he would just leave it at that.  
  
She didn't like lying to an adult because frankly she wasn't that good at it. Manny listened carefully and heard him turn his attention back to Sean. They put Sean in the back of the ambulance and closed the doors. "Wait!" Manny called, "Can I come?" The paramedic hesitated before opening the left hand door. "Thanks." Manny jumped in the back with Sean. She was feeling very important and somewhat special at the moment. It had been she who had rescued Sean...not Emma, he had a big secret that he shared with her...not Emma, and now Manny was accompanying Sean to the hospital...not Emma, and he hadn't even mentioned Emma once! Manny was starting to feel a sort of connection between Sean and herself. Not necessarily a love connection or anything...but maybe a friendly one that had not really been there even though they had known each other for a few years now. Manny had always admired Sean a little but they had never really been friends. But after this day Manny knew that they would be.  
  
Manny was spacing out so much that she did not notice a frustrated paramedic waving a clipboard energetically in front of her face or the shouts that came along with the movements. "Hello!" he yelled at her. "What?" Manny said, snapping back into reality. "You need to fill this out." "Okay." he handed Manny the clipboard. Manny started to fill out her personal information when Sean lightly touched her arm to gain her attention. Manny looked down at his hand and then at his face, somewhat confused. "Thank you." Sean mouthed at her. His face broke into a small smile. Manny couldn't help it; she smiled, somewhat embarrassedly, back at him and gave a little nod. She turned her attention back to the paper again but Sean reached out and laid his soft hand on her arm again. She looked at him again with a expectant look. Sean spoke this time. "I'm serious, Manny. Thank you. I never could have trusted Emma with this. She would have told even if I asked her to leave it be." "I think someone should be told." Manny said, just for the record. "I know." Sean replied, "But you're leaving the decision up to me and that's something Emma never would have done."  
  
Manny felt awkward. He was lying there comparing her to his girlfriend...her best friend. It was like he was praising Manny. "It's no problem." Manny said quickly and rather quietly. She turned her gaze back to the unfinished paperwork that lay in front of her. She hoped Sean would leave her alone. Weird things were happening in Sean's head. He was confused by Manny's reactions. He had been giving her nice compliments and she almost was ignoring him. He figured, though, that he had put a very heavy burden upon Manny's shoulders by asking for her silence. Now Sean felt a little bad for Manny. He had never really taken the time to get to know her and now, without real hesitation, she had agreed to do him a huge favor. "Manny?" he said. She glanced up from the papers. "What?" she asked, sounding a little annoyed. "I'm sorry." "Sorry for what?" She looked down at Sean. He was making perfect eye contact. His beautiful, brilliant eyes were driving right into hers. "For never really getting to know you. I mean, you are my girlfriend's best friend and I've never really thought of you as anything other than that. I mean, I was always so caught up with Emma and...I guess I never really saw what a great friend you are to her...and to me." "Thanks." Manny said, her cheeks turning scarlet.  
  
Sean went on, "I mean, now that I think about it, it's only because of you that me and EM are together. If you hadn't invited me than I would never have gone to the wedding." Manny silently cursed herself for that but kept a straight face, "So...promise me that after all this is over we'll go and hang out sometime. Like get to know each other for real." Now Manny was really blushing. "Okay." She said, trying to not sound too happy. The final minutes to the hospital were silent except for the scratching of pen on paper. 


	21. Weird Feelings

"Hey mom." Emma said softly. Spike was sitting on her bed looking at the deceased baby ultrasound pictures. "i never even got to name her." Spike said. Emma looked down at the pictures; they were blotched with Spike's tear stains. "What would you have named her?" Emma asked gently. "I don't know. I was thinking about Katherine...Kate for short." "That's a pretty name." Emma said, sitting down next to her mother. "Yeah..." said Spike in a despairing voice. "I'm really sad about all this mom," Emma said, her voice cracking, "but...you still have me. "Yeah...I do. You're not going anywhere." Spike said, turning to look at Emma. "Nope. I promise." Spike pulled Emma into a tight, loving hug.  
  
Manny was sitting over in the corner of Sean's room. He was off getting x- rayed to see how much damage Tracker had done. She was debating whether or not to call Emma. If she did, Emma would freak out and demand to know what happened. Manny shuddered at the thought of Emma's rage. She figured it was best to leave all the Emma business to Sean. He could tell her what he wanted and when he wanted. Just then they wheeled Sean back in. Manny stood up and looked expectantly. "So...?" Manny asked. "More broken ribs and a slight concussion." Manny was relieved; she thought, from the way he had looked, all of his bones were broken. She walked over to Sean's bedside. For some reason, Sean thought that Manny seemed to glow. He had never before taken the time to really see how pretty she was. He shrugged it off and figured that it was the drugs doing their work. Sean was helped back into his bed. The nurse slowly helped him remove his shirt. Manny eyes widened. Under all the cuts and bruises, Sean had a pretty hard body. The nurse exited.  
  
"Soo..." Manny said. "Soo...?" Sean repeated. "How are you feeling?" "I don't know. I'm feeling a little bit of everything. I'm angry but grateful at the same time." "Okay..." Manny said with a puzzled look on her face. "Don't worry about it," Sean said, "I wouldn't expect you to really understand. You've probably never had really really mixed emotions before." Manny wanted to defend herself, to tell him how she felt right now. That had been the reason in the first place that she had gone to his house. "Manny?" Sean asked. He wondered if he had upset her in some way. Then, a remembrance crossed his mind. Manny had been telling him why she had been there. Though, he vaguely remembered. "Manny, what had you been trying to tell me before the ambulance came? Why had you been right by my house?" Sean was asking this innocently but something in Manny's head made it seem like he was accusing her of something. Her heart started to race and she felt the same unease she had felt right before she reached his house. But she most certainly wasn't going to tell him now. "Um...it doesn't matter." "Okay, but..." she cut him off. "I have to go. I've got school tomorrow. Bye Sean."  
  
She ran out before he even got a chance to say goodbye. Again, he was confused by Manny's reactions. Sometimes she seemed so unstable, he thought. He felt different. Not from the drugs or his recent beating. It was weird, instead of having that little urge inside of him that he usually got to see Emma, he was having that same little urge to see Manny again. He knew that it meant nothing romantically. But now he and Manny had a connection through his secret and she was who he wanted to talk to right now. She was the only one that he could talk to about it actually. Even though Sean had a good idea of what he was feeling for her, it still felt strange. He had barely even considered Manny as a friend, until now. 


	22. Can't Handle The Pressure

Manny took her time getting home. Her dad questioned her as to where she had been right when she opened the front door and stepped inside. "I was just out. It's fine." "Manuella, your mother and I need to know where you are when it's after dark." "Okay okay, I'm sorry." "Manny, Emma called about five times while you were out." Manny's mother said while passing by, carrying a basket of dirty clothes to the laundry room. "Thanks mommi." Manny said. She grabbed the phone but did not dial. She wasn't sure if calling Emma was the best idea. Emma would ask where she had been and what she had been doing, just like her parents. Manny wished that Sean had not made her promise not to tell Emma. That sort of exciting feeling that she had felt earlier about being the only one that Sean told his secret to was dying down. Now she was feeling dread. When Emma did find out, Manny would have to suffer her wrath.  
  
Sean's secret would eat at her until everything was out in the open. Manny figured that she better just call Emma back anyway so that she wouldn't think that something was wrong. "Hello?" "Hey EM. You called?" "Manny! Where have you been? I thought that you were going home." "I did. But then I left again. I thought a walk would clear my head." 'Manny, you were gone for hours. Something is wrong. What is it?" "Okay, so I needed a long walk to clear my head, whatever. Honest EM, nothing is wrong." "Yeah whatever." Emma said, not very convinced. "Well, I have to go. Mom and Snake and me were eating dinner." "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, EM." "Bye."  
  
Manny hung up. Emma already knew something was wrong. She was too smart and knew Manny too well to believe her story. Manny felt very alone. She really wanted to see Sean, to tell him that this wasn't going to work. She couldn't possibly keep something this serious from her best friend. "Mommi, daddy, I'm going to bed. I'm really tired." "Okay Manuella." Mr. Santos said. "Sweet dreams Manny." Mrs. Santos said, blowing her daughter a kiss. Manny walked to her room and locked the door behind her. She grabbed a jacket and slid her window open. Thankfully, she was on the first floor. Manny quietly slipped through the window. She walked swiftly to the hospital and hoped not to see anyone that she knew along the way. Manny opened the entrance door and walked casually in, trying not to attract too much attention to herself. She reached Sean's unguarded room and entered. He was awake.  
  
Sean looked over quickly to see who had entered so late. Manny gave him a small wave. Now that she was there, she felt somewhat embarrassed. Sean looked very confused so Manny figured that she had better explain herself and leave as quickly as possible. "What are you doing here?" Sean asked. "Sean, I tried, I really did, but I just can't do this!" She exclaimed. The pressure that had been building up inside her the whole way down started to leave. "Wait, what? You didn't tell her did you?" "No, not yet." Sean let out a sigh of relief. Then he thought about her words. "What do you mean 'not yet?' You promised me that you wouldn't say anything. Come on Manny, I'm trusting you." "I know but...how can you ask me to do this? Did you ever think of what it would do to me? I don't lie well, Sean...especially not Emma." Manny said in a despairing voice. Sean sighed. "Manny, you're right and I'm sorry...but I really need you to do this for me. Honest, I wouldn't ask something so big if it wasn't really really important." "Sean, Emma already knows something is up. What do you expect me to do about that?"  
  
"I...I don't know just yet. But please, Manny. Really, I promise it will only be a couple of weeks." his face was desperate. Manny hesitated to ask. "What happens then?" "I don't know. Hopefully Tracker will have come back by then. The whole thing will probably blow over." "Sean, you can't go back and live with him again! It's not safe, he needs help!" Manny's voice wavered as she spoke. "I can't not live with him, don't you get it! If I do then I'll be put in some foster home!" "Why not with your parents?" "I can't go with them either Manny! God, you know how they're total drunks! Tracker is nothing compared to them! Trust me, living with Tracker is a lot better than with them." "Sean, I'm sorry, I forgot." Manny truly meant it. Sean looked at her and could tell that she was being sincere. All he did was nod. "Do you understand now?If I lose Tracker then I have no where to go. I'd probably have to switch schools again. I can't leave now. Please Manny. I need this." After making him remind her about his drunken parents, Manny felt super bad for Sean. She couldn't say no. "Okay..." she said quietly. "But I don't like this!" she added quickly.  
  
"I know. Trust me, neither do I. Thank you so much, Manny." He gave her a big, beautiful grin. She couldn't resist, even under the circumstances, it was intoxicating, Manny had to grin back. "I...I should go. My parents think I'm asleep. Bye Sean." "See ya." Sean was very relieved. He had thought that Manny would crack under the pressure and spill everything to Emma. Sean knew that he could not put off telling Emma forever. The subject would come up sooner or later. Unfortunately, Sean could not think of a good excuse. He sat up for hours wondering about Tracker. Where he was and if he was thinking about what he had done. Sean felt a surge of hatred flow through his body. Wherever Tracker was, Sean hoped that he was feeling guilty and responsible for his actions. It was strange, Sean had never wished bad upon anyone, let alone his own brother. But there, in that one moment, as he sat in bed, Sean prayed with all his might that wherever Tracker was and whatever he was doing, he was miserable. 


	23. Knocking Into Luck

The next day at school, Manny was miserable. Emma kept pestering her about her whereabouts the night before. It took almost all of Manny's energy to keep Emma off her back, so she was also very tired. "Manny, why won't you tell me what's wrong with you?" "I can't EM. Besides it doesn't matter anyways, you wouldn't be interested." Emma gritted her teeth in frustration. "Come on, Manny! You're my best friend, I want to know what's going on that's making you so weird!" Emma's mouth was wide open to continue, but Manny stopped her short. "I gotta go to my locker and get some things. I'll see you in there." Emma just rolled her eyes.  
  
Manny was looking at the floor while she walked to Media Imersion. She bumped right into someone, hard, and their books fell to the floor. "Manny!" Craig said aloud in an irritated voice. "What's wrong with you!" He asked as he bent down to retrieve his things that were now strewn across the tiled floor. "Sorry, Craig!" She bent down to help him. They both reached for his red binder. Their hands brushed for a moment before Manny pulled hers quickly away. She grabbed a different notebook. "Here." she said, handing Craig the notebook. "Thanks." Craig caught a glimpse of her face and there was something about her eyes. They were glassy...almost fogged over, like she wasn't really there. "Hey, is there something wrong?" he asked, this time using a different tone, almost as if he was really concerned about her.  
  
"No. Why would you think that?" Manny asked shortly. "No real reason, calm down. You just seem distracted, that's all." Manny gave a short, nervous laugh. "Yeah...well..." Both Manny and Craig stood up. Manny looked up into his eyes...such deep brown, she thought...and for a second, Manny could have sworn that she had seen a glimpse of concern twinkle in his eyes. She wondered if maybe she had been a little rude to him. After all, she had knocked into him, not the other way around. "Sorry, Craig. Yeah, I'm a little distracted. Something happened and I'm having a hard time concentrating." "Well...what is it? Maybe i can help." "You can't." "Why not?" Then, a thought popped into Manny's head. "Actually, scratch that. I think there is something that you can do." "Okay..." Craig said, a little confused now. "How about you meet me out front after school?" "Great." Manny said. "Thanks, Craig." "No problem. See ya." He gave her the irresistible grin that had captured her heart earlier that year. "Bye."  
  
A smile spread across Manny's face. Sean's picture in her head was starting to float to the back of her mind and Craig's face, and that grin, was becoming ever so clear. The rest of the day went by slowly. Manny was quivering with excitement. The butterflies in her stomach were doing major sumer salts. She was meeting Craig to spend some time with him! They hadn't really hung out since their one and only date that seemed oh so long ago. Her feelings for Sean still remained but hopefully not for long. Finally, after what seemed ages, the end of school bell rang. Manny walked and waited for a minute at the front entrance. "Manny!" Manny turned to see not Craig, but Emma. "Hey, EM." "Hey. Why did you run out like that? I thought you would wait for me." "Oh...sorry, but I've got to meet someone." Manny gave a casual smile as if this was an every day occurrence for her. Just then, Craig appeared. "Hey ladies." he said smoothly. Emma looked at him and then back at Manny. "Manny, you're not meeting Craig, are you?" "Um...yeah, I am, actually. Come on Craig. Bye EM." Manny grabbed his arm and dragged him down the steps. Emma was left there, dumbstruck. Emma didn't want to go home so early. She decided to go to Sean's and visit him. 


	24. Seeking Help

Manny and Craig walked silently to the park. Manny saw a nearby bench underneath a big willow tree and sat down. Craig followed the suit. "So what can I do for you?" "I'll tell you in a minute. First, you have to promise not to tell anyone, especially Emma. Craig, I'm being really serious here, no one can find out." "Okay, okay, I get it. So what's up?" "Um..." Manny wasn't sure if this was her greatest idea. Because if Craig was actually unable to help her out then she would have told another person and Sean would not be very happy. Manny hesitated, trying to think about how to best put this. "Okay. Sean's brother beat him up pretty bad. And...and he still thinks that it's nothing and that he is going to go back and live with Tracker after it's all over, like nothing has happened."Manny...that's a touchy subject. I don't know what to tell you...you can't change his mind..." Manny broke him off. "No, you don't get it! He put him back in the hospital! And then he just left him lying on their living room floor." "Tracker took off?" This seemed to change things now.  
  
"How do you know all this?" Craig asked. "I was in his area, just walking around and I heard him." Manny didn't want to say that she was actually only about fifty feet from his doorstep. "And trust me, Craig, he was in pretty bad shape." "Wow...I can't believe Tracker would do that. He always seemed so cool." Manny nodded in agreement. "I know." "So...what can I do?" "Oh...well...don't get mad...but since I heard that your dad...you know...that you would be able to relate. You know, try to talk some sense into him."Craig's face dropped. "Where did you hear that?" he asked, somewhat stiffly. "Um...I...well..." "Tell me, Manny." "Emma let it slip once, okay!" Manny blurted out. "But it was an accident. But she mentioned how she and Sean helped convince you not to go back to your dad! So, I just thought..." Manny stopped. "I'm sorry, Craig. I just thought that maybe you could help and would want to after what Sean did for you. But it's okay, you don't have to."  
  
Manny got up. "Wait, Manny." She sat back down. "I want to help. Sean's my friend." A smile crept to the corners of Manny's mouth and she had to let it show. "Thanks, Craig!" "Sure. Now, what did you have in mind?" Manny went into a full blown explanation of her idea. While all this was happening...  
  
Emma was walking quickly to Sean's. He had been on her mind all day and since she hadn't really been able to talk to Manny much today, she needed just to talk to someone! She walked into his front yard and saw that Tracker's bike was gone. "That's weird." Emma said to herself. Tracker shouldn't be gone while Sean was injured. Emma knocked and then entered. "Sean!" she called. "Sean?" Emma looked through the whole house, only to find that he was missing. Emma went into the living room. Emma put her hand over her mouth. It was a total disaster. Furniture was turned over and everything was thrown everywhere. Emma looked down and gave a small gasp. There was a good size patch of blood soaked up into the carpet. "Oh my god...oh my god." Emma went into her panic mode. Where was Sean? Emma grabbed the phone and dialed 9-1-1. She started ranting on to the person about the torn up house. "What's the address there?" the person on the other line asked. Emma told him. "Okay, let me check...yes, we went by there yesterday...we took a teenage boy to the hospital." Emma was screaming inside her head, "Oh my god, thank you so much!" Emma hung up the phone and took off for the hospital. Meanwhile...  
  
Craig and Manny entered the hospital together. Manny led the way to Sean's room. Craig entered first. Sean turned to look. His face dropped into a nervous look. "Hey Manny....Craig." "Hi." Manny was quiet. She felt a little guilty for telling Craig, but she thought it was for the best. "Man, you look awful...again!" "Yeah, I know. Craig do you mind if I talk to Manny alone for a sec." "No problem." Craig walked out. "Okay, Manny, what are you doing? What's with Craig?" Sean asked, his voice wavering. "I'm sorry! I had to tell someone and I thought Craig would help you!" "How?" "Well, basically do for you what you did for him! You know, talk some sense into you! You're not going back to him." "Manny..." Sean said in an angry voice. He sounded like he was getting ready to yell. Thankfully, Craig popped his head in. "Done yet?" "Yeah." Sean said, looking hard at Manny. "Man, she's right. You need to tell someone...get new living arrangements and all. Trust me man, they say it'll never happen again but it always does." "Maybe for you but Tracker will never do it again." "Sean you don't know that!" Manny yelled at him.  
  
"Know what?" All three of them looked at the door. Emma was standing there. "Emma!" Manny said, positively blushing. "Manny, Craig, what are you doing here?" "Umm...visiting Sean?" Manny said. "So...you knew he was here." Opps, Manny thought, wrong thing to say. "Um...sort of...yeah." She was very uncomfortable. She knew that Emma was trying hard not to explode. "Why wouldn't you tell me?" "Umm..." Manny looked at Sean worriedly. "Emma." Sean said, trying to calm her. "Whatever." Emma said. She turned on her heel and left. "Wait, EM!" Manny called, running after her. The door slammed shut and Craig and Sean were left alone. 


	25. Invitation

"EM, wait! I'm sorry, okay! I couldn't tell you!" "Manny, stop following me! I have nothing to say to you right now!" "Then will you please listen?" "What!" Emma said as she turned violently around to face Manny. Emma's cheeks were flushed red. She looked very mad. Manny thought that she should choose her words carefully. "EM, I couldn't. He asked me not to tell you." "Sean? Why would he do that?" Emma demanded. "Um...you're not going to like this but...I can't tell you that either." "God, Manny!" "I'm sorry, EM, he made me promise!" "Yeah, okay then. Call me when you can let me know what's going on with my own boyfriend." Emma said coldly. She turned and started down the street. Manny didn't follow because she knew that it wouldn't do any good. She walked back to Sean's room. "So..." Sean said as she entered, "everything okay?" "What do you think? Of course not! Emma is pissed. I mean...I've never seen her so mad." "Great." Sean mumbled. "Manny." Craig said. She looked over at him. "Um...how do I put this...do...do you want to go out with me sometime?" That's not what Manny had been expecting to hear. Craig watched her nervously.  
  
"What?" She asked, making sure that she had heard him right. "I said, do you want to go out with me sometime?" She was somewhat in shock and it showed in her expression. "Manny?" "Are you sure?" Manny asked, just making sure. "Yeah, totally...so...yes or no?" Manny didn't know what to say. After their first date, Manny never thought that there would be a time where Craig would actually ask her out again. On one hand, she thought, it was like a dream come true sort of thing, like they were really meant to be together. But then on the other hand, this wasn't such a good time to be asking. "Um...Craig, I don't think that this is the best time. I mean, we're here for Sean now." Sean piped in, using his bored voice. "Oh, no I'm good. You just answer him. Honestly, I'm not going anywhere." Manny gave Sean a look of gratitude.  
  
Manny thought that maybe she should give Craig a second shot, after all, he was helping her out with Sean. "Sure, Craig. I'd like that. But we'll talk about this later, okay? We still need to tell Sean about my idea!" The irresistible grin spread across Craig's face. "Great." "Great." Manny repeated back to him. "Okay. Sean, I brought Craig here to talk to you about...you know." "Yeah, I know." "Okay, man, you need to talk to Children's Aid foundation. Serious. I thought my dad would stop but he didn't." "Tracker is not your dad. He is my brother. I know him a lot better than you do." "Sean, if you don't tell someone than I will." "You already have." Sean replied, sneeringly. "Sean, man, this like exactly like what you and Emma did for me. You have to tell someone." "I know." Tears were welling in Sean's eyes. He didn't want to cry in front of them. He was reliving the past inside his head. His vision was fogged out by the image of Tracker in a rage. "I know I do. But where am I supposed to go? I'll for sure be taken away from him." "Well, that's another reason we came" Craig said, "I'd like to invite you to stay with me, Joey and Angie." Sean looked at him, dumbstruck. "No way, man. I couldn't, it would never work. It would be way too expensive for Joey. Plus, you don't think that he would actually go for it..." Craig cut him off. "It's totally cool with Joey. I already asked." Sean was in total shock.  
  
Was any of this real? He blurted out, "Yes! Man, that would be awesome!" Sean felt a warm rush of gratitude towards Manny. He owed a lot to her. She just stood there and smiled. "Great!" Craig said. "I'm gonna go call Joey. I'll be right back." "Manny..." Sean began to say. He couldn't believe how great she was. "Thank you so much." "No problem. Just doing what I thought was right." "Yeah, but..." "Emma would have done the same. And probably more." "Emma?" Sean said confused. "I wasn't going to say anything about Emma." "Oh..." "Was she really mad?" "Oh yeah." Sean looked nervous. "I have to talk to her soon, huh?" "Yeah, but give her a couple days to cool down." Craig re-entered the room. "Okay, once you get out of here, Joey is gonna take you to Children's Aid and file a report." "Okay." "Manny we should probably go. It's getting late." "Right. Bye Sean." "Bye, thanks guys."  
  
They left together. Sean felt a little triumphant. Tracker was going to be the weaker one for once. But at the same time, Sean felt bad. Tracker was the only real family that he had. Would this be betraying him? "It's his fault." Sean said to himself in a final sort of way.  
  
Manny and Craig were walking slowly. "Craig, why did you ask me out? I thought that I was too young for you." Craig didn't know what to say, for it was true, he had said that once. "Well, now with all this, I see that I was wrong. To be taking on all this...it really impresses me, Manny. I was wrong, I'm sorry." Manny stopped walking. "Sean didn't talk you into this did he? As like a favor or something?" "No! It was my idea. Manny, I really, really want to give us another shot. I thought you did too." "I did, I mean I do, but I can't help thinking that there is more to this. Like something you're not telling me." Craig grabbed both of Manny's hands and held them in his. "Manny, I asked you out because I wanted to. Trust me." Manny looked up into his great, big brown eyes and smiled. "Okay." "Great." he said. They continued walking, but this time, hand in hand. 


	26. Unforgettable Kiss

The next few days went by quickly. Emma would still not talk to Manny. It didn't bother Manny as much as it usually would have. There was only one reason for that: Craig. Manny and him were on very friendly terms again. They still had yet to plan their date. "How about this Saturday?" Manny asked Craig. They were sitting at lunch in the zen garden. "Oh! Can't! Joey is making me babysit til like 10:00." "Um...ok..." "How about Sunday?" "School..." Manny started to say but Craig interrupted. "Nope. We have Monday off." "Oh! Well yeah, that sounds great! At like 7:00." "Yeah, sounds good. I'll get you at your house."  
  
Emma walked past the window. She stopped and watched them. Manny stared straight back at her, not flinching one bit. Emma hesitated and entered. Craig turned and looked. He mouthed soundlessly, looking for the words. "Manny...Craig..." Emma nodded at each of them. "Um...hey EM. I thought you weren't talking to me." "Well, I shouldn't be because you don't deserve it." "Oh..." "But I need to find out what's up with Sean." "Emma, you should go talk to him about it." Craig said. "I've tried. He like put up a request so that I am not allowed in to see him." "Wow. I didn't know they could do that." Manny said. Sean really didn't want to be questioned by Emma, she thought. "I guess it's possible." "EM, I can't tell you. I'm not allowed." "Oh, who said that? Sean?" Emma's tone was turning nasty. "Yes. Why don't you get that if I could I would. I don't like keeping secrets for him EM. Especially from you." "Then why you? Why not me? Why did he choose you?" "He didn't choose me, it was just a coincidence. I was just kind of thrown into his mess."  
  
"Yeah, right." Emma said. "You're just doing this because you like him. It's so obvious, Manny. You always have." Manny rolled her eyes. "No! EM, never as anything more than a friend." "Gee, Manny, isn't it great how you can lie straight to my face?" Craig came to Manny's defense. "Emma, if Manny really liked Sean would she be going out with me this Sunday?" Emma's expression loosened a little bit. When she spoke, it was as if the world had shifted; a complete 180 degree turn. "You guys are going out? That's so great!" "Wha...?" Manny said, confused. Emma's mind seemed to have been completely washed blank of anger and replaced with a new found happiness. Manny couldn't figure it out. Craig seemed to have been perplexed by Emma's reaction also.  
  
"Thanks?" he said in a unsure voice. Just then the bell rang. "Oh, gotta go to class! See you there, Manny, I'll save you a seat?" "Sure..." "Okay, great! Later Craig!" Craig's mouth just hung open. "What was that?" he asked. "I have no idea. But whatever, at least she isn't mad anymore." "Yeah." They stood up. "Soo..." Craig said. "I'll see you after school?" "Totally." he looked down at Manny. She looked so beautiful with her hair down and flowing across her shoulders. "Well...bye Craig." Craig couldn't stop it. He grabbed Manny's arm gently and pulled her back. "What?" she asked. Then, before she could say anything else, Craig gave Manny a nice, unforgettable kiss. When he let her go, she looked up at him, somewhat impressed. "Bye." he said. Manny felt lightheaded. Today could have been easily turning into the best day of her life. 


	27. New Look

Manny was in a daze as she walked to Mrs. Kwan's classroom. When she entered, Emma was sitting in the front row. Manny looked and saw Emma's backpack sitting in the seat next to hers. Emma turned and smiled at Manny. She waved for Manny t come and join her as she pushed her backpack swiftly off the chair. "Told you I would save you a seat!" Emma sounded very happy. "Yeah...thanks EM." "Something wrong?" Emma asked very perkily. "EM, what is wrong with you?" "Nothing. Why would you say that?" "Okay. Just like twenty minutes ago you were pissed at me and now you're...I don't know...unusually friendly." "Manny, did you really think that I was going to stay mad for a long time, it was nothing. Besides, we're best friends, right?" Manny opened her mouth to reply but Emma kept going. "Manny don't worry about it. I'm over it. I'm just Sean's girlfriend! I don't need to know what happens with him all the time!"  
  
There was a certain curve to Emma's words. A slight twinge or bitterness along with a lot of noticeable sarcasm. Just then Mrs. Kwan walked in. "Okay class, open your free reading books. Silently!" Manny opened her backpack and got out her copy of Harry Potter. She opened the book to it's marked page but did not read. She did some figuring in her head. She knew Emma was still mad, but maybe a little confused as to who she was actually angry with. Manny also knew that Emma's sudden joy was not completely sincere; just a fake smile.  
  
Sunday morning came quick. Manny still didn't know what she was going to wear. But that's not what she was thinking about. She lay in bed and wondered about how Sean was going to explain this all to her. Manny thought it best that she go and warn Sean about Emma's weird change of heart. Manny got up and threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. When Manny reached the hospital, Sean was in the lobby. "Sean!" she called. "Why are you down here? Shouldn't you be upstairs?" Just then, Joey and Craig appeared at Sean's side. "I'm released so they are taking me back to their place." Manny looked at Craig. She was so embarrassed. The day of their date and she was visiting Sean.  
  
Craig was thinking the same thing. "Why are you here?" he asked politely. "Umm...I needed to talk to Sean about Emma." She gave Craig a pointed look and he understood. "Oh! Yeah, alright." "Sorry, Manny, it's going to have to wait. We were just going to Children's Aid." "Oh, okay. That's fine. I'll see you guys later." She turned and exited the way she had entered. "Craig, isn't your date tonight?" Sean asked when Manny left. "Yeah. I'm hoping that it goes better than last time." "Why? What happened?" "Well...she acted so different...so young...I think it was nerves or something. But still, I don't want to be on a date and feel like I'm taking Angie to a movie." "Oh...yeah I can understand that." "Hey." Joey said. "Lets go guys. Sean you wanted to go today?" "Yeah." "Okay." Joey glanced at his watch. "Well, they open in a couple of minutes. Lets roll."  
  
Joey started pushing Sean's wheelchair towards the car. Craig and Sean continued their conversation in the car. "So...do you really like her?" "Yeah man...a lot more than last time. I mean, what she is doing for you...she's just really great." "Yeah. I really appreciate it all."  
  
At her house, Manny was trying on clothes. She had nothing to wear. Just then her phone rang, jerking her out of her transfixed closet state. "Hello?" "Hey, it's Emma." "Oh, hey EM." "So...big date tonight! What are you going to wear?" "I have no idea...I have nothing to wear!" "Oh...we could go shopping and you could buy something new." "That's an idea...I'll be at your house in a half hour." Manny hung up and headed for her shower. Just as she had said, Manny arrived at Emma's one about a half hour later. Emma answered the door. "Hey. Lets go." They started walking towards the mall. "So...what exactly are you looking for?" Emma asked. "I dunno, something that makes me look older. There's no way he is dumping me for being too young this time." "Oh..." Emma was worried by what Manny meant when she said 'older.' They walked through the mall, past all the glass windows decorated with perfect sized mannequins. Manny stopped suddenly. "Oh my god! That's it, it's perfect!" Emma turned her head and looked at what Manny was so excited about. "Wow." Emma said shocked. It was not anything that Emma would have pictured Manny buying for herself.  
  
Emma was staring at a pair of vintage faded, decoratively ripped jeans. Above them was a black, silky looking halter top with a definite plunging neckline. Manny gasped and pointed a little further over. Emma followed her finger. In the display window next to Manny's dream outfit was a rack of colorful thongs. "Manny...you wanted to look older..." Emma chose her words carefully, trying to make them as delicate as possible, "...not like a slut." Manny looked at her. "What? Come on, EM, this is nothing. Other girls wear way more revealing stuff." "Ok..." "Great!" Manny grabbed Emma's arm and pulled her into the store. 


	28. Move As One

At Manny's house, there was chaos. Emma was working furiously, trying to make Manny's hair hold the curls that she had done. "Oh this is hopeless. EM. Just forget the curls." "Are you sure? I really think that this time they will stay." "No. Hand me the flat iron will you?" "Here ya go." Manny quickly grabbed locks of her long black hair and set them between the two edges of the straightener. Manny worked very quickly because she was running out of time. "There. That is all I'm gonna do with my hair." Manny said in a defeated voice. "Manny it looks great! Really shiny, like in the commercials." Manny rolled her eyes. "EM, you don't have to say that, I don't blame you for messing up the curls." "Hey, wait a second, I didn't mess anything up. It was..." "Lets not argue." Manny said finally.

Manny walked into her room and put on the new clothes she had purchased earlier. She spritzed on a little Chanel and walked out in the living room to show Emma. "Wow. You do look great." "I thought I was slutty." Emma rolled her eyes. "Give me a break, it was a shock, okay?" "Okay EM." The door bell rang. Manny's eyes quickly diverted over to the solid door. It was like she could see him standing there, straight through it. She became very nervous. "Okay. He's here. How do I look?" "I told you. Great. Now go get the door." Manny took a deep breathe. "Okay..." She grabbed the handle and pulled.

"Hey...wow, look at you!" Craig said as he got a good look at Manny. "Hey Craig! Everything okay?" He had a strange misty look as he stared her down. "What? Oh...ya, lets go!" "Wait!" Emma called, running out of the living room. "Oh, look...it's Emma!" Craig said sarcastically. "Picture!" Emma exclaimed. Craig and Manny posed together for the picture. "Aww, now wasn't that just too cute!" Emma said, "Ah, look what time it is! Go leave...now! Have fun!" Emma pushed them out the door. "Wow. um...Emma was happy." Craig said. He glanced at the front window and saw Emma hiding behind the curtain, watching them. When she saw him look at her, Emma quickly disappeared. "Yeah...she's been like that lately."

Something fell from Craig's pocket onto the sidewalk. Manny bent down to get it. "No!" Craig said. He reached for the object but Manny got it first. She looked up at him. In her hand was a condom. "Manny...I'm sorry...it was just..." "It's okay." She said. She struggled to get the words out. "I want to, too." Craig looked intently at her. After a few seconds, her face was set. "Soo...do you want to forget about the movie? Do you maybe want to go somewhere...more private?" "Yeah, I do." Manny said. She was not nervous for some reason. Craig on the other hand...his heart was pounding so hard, he thought it might burst out of his chest. Manny couldn't control her excitement. She grabbed his hand and ran off to the school. "Nobody will see us here." They were off at the side of the building, completely hidden from passerby view.

Craig pulled Manny close, right up against him. Manny gave a little giggle. Craig slowly unzipped his pants and put the condom on. He pulled Manny close again and undid the top buttons on her jeans. He bent down and easily and slowly pulled her jeans to her ankles. Manny stepped out of them and removed her blue thong. Craig stared at her, taking it all in, but said nothing. He moved quickly and pushed Manny up against the brick wall. He pushed into her hard. Manny wrapped her legs around his lower waist and arched her back against the wall. She gripped her hands tightly on his shoulders and could already feel the sweat soaking through his shirt. Manny made little gasps with each push, each harder than the first. It was somewhat exhilarating.

Craig was not nervous anymore. It felt so natural, moving as one with the girl he loved. He was going into her harder and harder. Manny felt a small twinge of pain. The pain grew little by little. But she didn't want to stop it. Manny felt something trickle down her bare leg. She looked over his shoulder and down at her leg. It was blood. Craig was going too hard, she was bleeding. "Craig." She whispered in his ear, "Craig, stop!" But he wouldn't stop. He couldn't now that he knew what it felt like to be inside her. With each push, more blood came trickling out. "Craig, stop! I'm bleeding, Craig!" She tried to push him away. Something came over Craig. He grabbed her arms and pinned them against the wall. She was panicking now. "What's wrong with you?" She asked him quietly. He did not respond. Manny winced now, the pain was so severe.

Manny started to cry. It was only then, after Craig could hear and see the pain he was causing her, did he come to see what he was doing. He quickly pulled himself from her and put his hand over his mouth. He looked down on her; her leg was covered in a fair amount of blood. She was still crying. "Look! What is wrong with you, Craig?" He snapped his attention back to her. Manny was still rapidly bleeding. "My god, Manny, I...I am so sorry." He tried to help her up but she pulled her arm away. "Don't ever touch me again." Her voice wavered. "Manny, please, we need to get you to a hospital." She looked up at him, disbelieving. "And what, Craig? Say I was having sex and what? That you sexually assaulted me? You'd be so arrested." "I know! I probably should be! God, I knew this was a bad idea." "Craig." Manny said, getting up and swaying slightly, "I need to go home. Don't tell anyone about this." "Dammit, Manny! You're fucking bleeding from...there. You need to get that looked at!" "No!" She grabbed her pants and quickly pulled them on.

Before Craig could do anything to stop her, Manny took off running. "Manny!" Craig yelled. "Dammit!" he cried. Manny was running as fast as she could. She was still leaking blood. Every pounding step made her feel more and more dizzy. Before she knew what was happening, she passed out, cold, on the sidewalk. Craig, who had started to run after her, dropped down next to her. "Manny. Manny, wake up." he picked her up and carried her to the hospital.

The room seemed fuzzy. Manny was waking up. She tilted her head and saw Craig. "Craig?" "Oh, god." he said, startled, "You're awake." "Yeah...what happened to me?" "You passed out. You remember what happened before then, right?" "Yeah, I do. But what happened after I passed out?" "Oh, I brought you here. There was some sort of tearing...down there...so they had to give you stitches." "Do my parents know?" "Yeah...I called them. They're outside." A look of panic spread on Manny's exhausted face. "My parents know that I had sex. I think I'm gonna pass out again." "Manny, I am so sorry." he said as he moved closer. Then he said something very unexpected. "Manny?" "Yeah?" "I love you." he blurted out. He moved even closer and touched her shoulder. She flinched. That hurt him bad. "I know I shouldn't. I'm sorry."

They remained quite for a few minutes. "So...this was an interesting second date, huh?" Manny said. "Yeah...so what do you think is gonna happen on the third date?" Manny looked uncomfortable. "Craig...there isn't going to be a third date. This will never work. I hope you understand." "Oh...yeah, no problem. I understand." Craig felt a burning in his eyes. A mixture of guilt and sadness and humiliation were tempting him to cry and let it all out. He just swallowed hard. "I...I should go. See you in school...sometime." "Yeah, okay. Craig...thanks for bringing me here." "Yeah." He left on that one word. Craig couldn't believe all the things he had done tonight. He had committed a crime, endangered Manny's life, and said the three little words to the only girl he had ever loved.

Craig wanted to get away, to feel nothing. There were no drugs or alcohol attainable. Craig walked past the his and Manny's wall. There was a fair amount of blood soaked into the dusty dirt floor. He stopped and stared at it. He scanned the ground for something, anything that would help him now. Something caught the light on the ground. A shard of green tinted glass from a beer bottle. Craig walked over and picked it up. What he did next was completely spur-of-the-moment. He found the sharpest edge that he could and gently placed it on the under of his left forearm. He pressed down sharply and dug deep into his skin. Blood rose to the top of the wound and bubbled slightly before leaking out. He moved the glass back about an inch on his forearm and repeated the same dirty deed. He felt that all the pain he had caused Manny should be somehow repaid to her, with his own pain. The cuts stung and bled through the long sleeve of his shirt. Craig walked over to the dirt where Manny's blood had been spilled and threw the glass on top of it. Now their blood could be mixed as one, he thought.

He ran back to Joey's. When he got there, Sean was lying on the couch. "Hey man." he said. "You're up late." Craig said, looking around for Joey. "Yeah. Couldn't sleep. Can't stop thinking about Tracker and Emma. So...how was your date?" "I'd rather not talk about it." "Aw, come on man. It can't have been that bad." "Oh...it was." "Man, what did she do this time?" "Nothing." Craig said. He smiled a little. "she was beautiful. It's what I did to her." His smile faded now. "Craig, I'm sure that..." Craig cut him off. "I almost killed her, man." "Wa...what?" Sean asked, confused. "I bought a condom, and she found it." "Woah! You guys didn't." "Yeah. We did. It was great. But then...she started to bleed really bad because...well you know why...and I was hurting her man. But I wouldn't let up." "Woah...man..." "I know. She took off running and passed out. She's at the hospital now." "Damn, that's hard." "Oh yeah, I told her I loved her." Craig said as an after thought. "And...she doesn't want anything to do with me now!" "Sorry man. I know how you feel." "How? You and Emma are perfect." "Craig, are you kidding me? Have you not been around for the last week? She is furious with me. We're not perfect. But...in grade seven I pushed Emma down while I was fighting. It was horrible...she wouldn't let me touch her. She wouldn't speak to me. She was so scared of me. It sucks really bad." "Yeah...hey, where's Joey?" "Upstairs, I'm pretty sure. I think he is sleeping." "Oh no..." a voice said behind them. Both Craig and Sean turned to look. Joey was standing in his pajamas on the staircase.


	29. Fixed

Craig's mouth hung open. He was speechless. "Uh...hey...Joey." It took him a lot of energy to just get those three words out. "Sean," Joey said, keeping his eyes on Craig, "would you mind going upstairs?" Sean looked nervous but not nearly as nervous as Craig. "I uh...bye!" Sean said quickly. He got up and ran up the stairs, taking them three at a time. Craig sadly watched Sean go.

Joey blew up at him. "Craig...I don't even know what to say! What the hell were you thinking? You're fourteen! And...don't even get me started on what you did to Manny. You do know that you could have caused a lot more damage, don't you?" "I know, Joey! I'm sorry! It's my fault. I don't have any excuse this time!" "Craig, her parents could press charges! What you did was sexual assault!" Craig looked up at Joey; he had tears in his eyes. "I know. But...she wanted to too. She told me she did. And...I dunno. Joey, I think I love her...I told her too. But she hates me now, she's scared! Although, I can't really blame her."

Joey let out a huge sigh. He was torn between grounding Craig for life and just admitting that Craig felt bad enough and didn't need to be grounded. "Craig...I don't know what to tell you here, partner. I can really tell that you're upset...I can't think of any good grounding you would really do." Craig looked at him again. "What?" "I'm not going to punish you, alright? But...if Manny's parents do decide to press charges against you there is nothing I can or would do. You got it?" "Yeah. Thanks, Joey." Craig got off the couch and started slowly up the steps when..."Craig." "Yeah, Joey?" "Just no more sex." "I know."

"Hey." Sean said as Craig entered and closed the door. "Sooo...how'd it go? You don't look dead." "Yeah. It went a lot better than I thought it would. Once Joey got all his anger out, he was pretty calm about the whole thing. Man, I don't know what I am going to do. I mean, I really really like Manny, Sean. But...she told me flat out that there isn't going to be a third date." Sean shook his head. "I dunno man. Just let her go. Try another girl. I mean, that's how you meet The One." "You don't get it, Sean. She is The One. The only one I want to be with." "Sorry man. Doesn't seem like it's going to happen though." Sean said as Craig started to get undressed. Sean saw when Craig pulled his shirt off that there was blood crusted over deep gashes in his arm. Sean stared hard, trying to take it all in. Craig looked at Sean and then down at his exposed forearms.

Sean tore his eyes away from the cuts and looked up at Craig's guilty face. "Man, what do you think you're doing?" Sean said, "That's...that's bad!" "Thank you." Craig said sarcastically, "You think I don't know that?" Sean was lost. "Then...why?" Craig shrugged. "I don't know, Sean. It was a one time thing, I promise. It's just...I felt so bad about Manny...and then there was some glass...and I dunno." "Man didn't it hurt?" "Yeah! Like a bitch. But...I deserve it." "Craig..." Sean started to say. "Sean, I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay? I'm bushed. I'm going to bed." "Yeah." Sean said as Craig turned off the light.

Craig wasn't lying, he was extremely tired, but that didn't help him sleep the slightest. He truly did not want tomorrow to officially come. Tomorrow, Craig knew he would have to face Manny's parents. "They might as well kill me now." Craig said to himself. "What was that?" Sean said. He sounded wide awake. "Oh, nothing. Just can't sleep." Craig said. "Yeah...me either. Every time I try, Emma keeps popping into my head and...I dunno. How am I going to explain all this to her?I haven't seen her for like a week." "Dunno man. Just tell her the truth...cause, I mean, everything is fixed now, so... I think she'll understand." "Yeah..." Sean mumbled. "Can I call her?" Sean asked suddenly. "Now!" Craig said. "Sean, it's like four in the morning." "I know...but if she's like me then she'll be up thinking about this too." "Whatever man. Call her cell though." "I know." Sean said as Craig turned on the light.

Sean picked up the phone and dialed Emma's cell phone number. After three rings. when Sean was just about to hang up, "Hello?" Emma's voice said. Sean had been right, she sounded wide awake. "Hey, it's me." Sean said casually. A smile spread on Sean's face when he heard Emma gasp over the line. "Sean? Oh god, I haven't talked to you in forever!" "Yeah, I know. I am sorry about that." "What is wrong with you!" Emma bursted out. Sean could tell that she had been harboring that for much too long. She didn't sound so friendly anymore. Sean's smile quickly faded. "Um...yeah about that." he stammered. "Sean, why were you in the hospital? And why would you tell Manny something and not me!" "Yeah, well, I didn't think that you would like it, EM." "What!" Emma exclaimed so loud that Sean held the phone away from his ear. "Sean, you're supposed to tell me everything! This is exactly what happened two weeks ago!" "Emma!" Sean yelled. Craig gave him a death look to keep his voice down. "Sean, tell me what is going on, now." Her voice was steady and firm.

Sean had a sudden wish that he had not called now. He was feeling the exhaustion from a full day creep up on him. "Okay. The reason that I was in the hospital is...is..." "Is what, Sean?" Emma asked pleadingly. "Because Tracker beat me. Really, really bad." Emma went dead quiet. Sean thought he heard a clunk as if Emma had dropped the phone. "EM, Emma?" Sean asked cautiously. "How could he do that to you?" She sounded on the verge of tears. "Emma, don't worry, it's okay now. I'm okay now." "You reported it, right? I mean, you're not still living with him are you?" "Yes and yes I am not living with him." Sean said. "Okay." Emma replied, "How did Manny get involved? And Craig?" "Oh, yeah. Manny was somewhere nearby my house and she heard me yelling for help." "So she found you? What was she doing there in the first place?" "I dunno. Never found out. But Craig...well, I'm staying with him. I'm here now."

Sean heard Emma give a small sob. "EM, come on, what's wrong?" She took a minute before answering. "Sean, if I had stayed with you that day instead of leaving you by yourself than this would have never happened!" "EM, no! It's not your fault, alright?" "I dunno..." "Emma." Sean said sternly, "It is not your fault." "Okay..." Emma said hesitantly. "Sean, why wouldn't you tell me...call me, whatever?" "Because EM, I didn't want anyone to know and you would have told people." "NO I wouldn't have!" Emma protested. "Whatever, it doesn't matter now. Alright?" "Soo....when can I see you?" Emma asked in her cutesy voice. Sean's smile reappeared. "I dunno. Later today. Like, you know, when it's light out." "Okay, great! Can't wait!" Emma replied excitedly. "Love you." Sean whispered into the receiver. "Love you too, Sean." Emma said. They both hung up.

"So..." Craig said, "everything good now?" "Yeah, I think so. Probably should have told her earlier though. Before she got all worked up about it." "Yeah...I'm actually tired now, wanna get some sleep?" "Yeah, good idea." They climbed into their beds and Craig turned off the light.


	30. Reflections and Flashbacks

School started again the following Tuesday. Manny hadn't seen Craig since their date and, in her mind, it was a good thing. She was trying to avoid him by all means possible. Emma spent the entire day pestering Manny about her and Craig's date. "Manny, come on! I'm dying here, just give me something." "EM," Manny said finally, "it was fine. That's all you need to know."

Manny turned her head and saw Craig on the other side of the hall. He was facing her, so she kept staring. Just then, Craig turned his head and looked at her. Manny turned and moved quickly in the opposite direction. "Manny, Manny wait!" Craig called. He started after her. Manny could feel him coming closer and started running. Even though she was running, the hall was crowded and Craig was too fast for her. "Manny, please talk to me." "Go away, Craig. I'm not allowed to talk to you anymore." "Just for a second, please!" He grabbed her arm and Manny stopped. "Don't touch me, Craig." Manny said quietly, keeping her eyes fixed on her arm. "Sorry, sorry."

Manny took this opportunity to start off again. She had hardly taken three steps when, before she really knew what was happening, Craig grabbed her arm again and this time threw her up against the lockers. He pinned her arms next to her sides. Manny's head was filling with flashbacks from their date. This was almost the exact position he had pinned her in that night. Craig must have realized this too because he looked quickly down at his arms and then up at Manny's face. He let go of her at once. Manny looked once at him with fright on her face before she started to run away. "Dammit." Craig said to himself. He smacked the locker with his fist.

Manny kept running until she reached the girls washroom. She put her hands on either edges of the sink and braced herself. She kept her gaze in the sink. She feared to look up at herself. She didn't like what she had become. Manny finally lifted her eyes and took a good, hard look at herself in the mirror. Just then, Paige walked in. "Manny, hon, I just saw everything." "I don't know what you're on about Paige." Manny said cooly. "Sweetie, what did he do to you?" Paige asked quietly. Again, I don't know what you mean. What are you getting at?" "I mean, I know something happened to you. With Craig. I can recognize the signs, hon." "You've lost it." Manny said defensively. "Manny, you can talk to me. I've been through it all."

Manny's memory jolted. She had heard that Paige had been date raped from a guy at Bardell. "I wasn't raped, Paige. I asked for it. I told him that I wanted to." Paige looked confused. "Well, hon, I don't think I understand the problem. I mean," she gave a short laugh, "was he not good enough for you, or what?" Manny looked over at Paige and broke down crying. "Hon, don't cry." Paige said as she pulled Manny into a hug. Manny, then and there, spilled the whole story to Paige. "You can't tell anyone that I told you. Especially not Craig." Manny made Paige promise.


	31. Digging A Hole

The weeks passed on and the story about Manny and Craig had spread like of Paige Mickalchuk (sorry, no idea how to spell it!).

Now, Craig was receiving threatening notes in his locker, getting dirty looks with every step he took inside the school and sometimes outside of it, and his obsession to be with Manny had yet to die out. He became more and more secluded as the time went by. Sean was his only true companion, but now, since his return to school, and Emma, he was often off limits. Craig felt like he was digging himself a hole to hide from everyone...digging it deeper and deeper each day, no way to escape.

One particular day...

Craig needed to do something to get his mind off of Manny. He was trying with all his might to listen to Mr. Armstrong's lesson, but his hearing seemed to be blocked out by his misery. He had never really thought about how bad things were for him until now. Both his parents were dead, the whole school hated him, his only friend was always occupied, and he had deeply hurt the only girl he had ever loved. Nice way to end the year, he thought.

A part of Craig was furious with Manny for telling Paige about they're private life. It was like a written rule, you tell Paige something and within a week almost everyone knows about it. On the other hand, he hated himself for being mad at Manny...none if this is her fault...it's all mine, he thought.

Craig's hand shot into the air. "Yes, Craig?" Mr. Armstrong asked. "Can I go to the washroom, sir?" Mr. Armstrong glanced at the clock. "Oh...I guess so. Take your things with you. Class ends in five." Craig nodded and gathered his stuff.

Craig sat on the ground of the boys washroom. Guys walked in and out and payed no attention to Craig. The final late bell rang and Craig sat, unmoved, in the same spot on the floor. Ha, he thought, I'm late, I don't care. It doesn't matter anymore...nothing does.

What Craig did next was unexplainable. He reached into his school bag and took out his fairly large pocket knife. He stared at it for a moment. He traced his finger around the edge of the blade, judging it's sharpness. He then held it to his chest, point right in front of his heart. There's no turning back now, he thought, nothing to stop me.

Just then, Sean came in. The first thing that he saw was Craig with the knife point steadily placed right in front of his chest. Sean just stared. Craig looked up into Sean's frightened face. He felt a pang of guilt that Sean would have to see this. But it had to be done. It was now or never.

Sean spoke quickly. "Woah, Craig put that down. Man, please, you're acting crazy." Sean's voice was choked up. He knew that he could not stop this, but he could at least try. Tears were welled in Craig's eyes. "Tell...tell Angie and Joey that I love them, would you please. And...and Manny." "Craig, no. Give it to me, man. It's not that bad, just put it down."

Craig just stared at Sean, his face set. Whole-heartedly, Craig said, "Bye man." "Craig no!" Sean screamed. It happened in an instant. Craig thrust the blade upward into his chest. And just like that, it was over. He fell over and blood leaked all over the floor. "Craig!" Sean said as he rushed to his side. He looked down on him. There was nothing left of his best friend except for a lifeless body.

"Craig...Craig..." Sean repeated, thinking that maybe he would come around, that maybe he was not dead. But he was. Craig's brown eyes were cold and like glass. The tears streamed down faster and faster before Sean reached a point of bawling. He would occasionally say Craig's name...just in case. Sean sat there, on the floor, next to Craig's body, crying.

The door swung open and Mr. Raditch walked in. "Oh my lord!" he cried. "Sean, Sean are you alright?" Sean nodded his head. Mr. Raditch went to Sean's side. "What happened?" he asked, staring at Craig's body. Even though it was very obvious, Sean said quietly, "Craig's dead. He killed himself." "I'm going to call an ambulance. I'll be right back."

He got up quickly and left. Sean sat there, lost in his thoughts. He had just watched his best friend die. It had to be some sort of punishment for him being happy for once, he thought. Mr. Raditch reentered. "They're coming...so is Mr. Jeremiah. Sean, lets go to my office. I'll lock this door so no one can see." "No." Sean said, "I want to be with him. I don't want to leave." Mr. Raditch nodded. He hesitated and then left. Sean pulled his knees up to his chest and rocked slowly back and forth. "It's alright." he said to himself. Sean started to lightly sob again. "Craig..." he said one final time, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, he would wake up.


	32. Hold Me Close

Sean was walking to his MI class to get his things; Joey was going to take him home. As he walked, Sean couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. You hear about teens committing suicide all the time, he sadly thought to himself, but you never think that it really will happen to you. As he reached the door, Sean wiped away his remaining tears. He was going to have to face Manny and give her Craig's message.

Sean stood in the open doorway. Everyone turned to look at him. "Sean," Mr. Simpson said, "is there a reason you're so late? I gave you a bathroom pass at least twenty minutes ago." Sean looked up at him, tears in his eyes. He wasn't going to tell the whole MI class about it. They would all know by tomorrow.

"Yes." he replied. "Well..." Mr. Simpson looked at him expectantly, "do you have a note or a message or something?" A message. Craig's message.

Sean scanned the room with his gaze. His eyes landed on Emma and locked. She looked concerned and confused. He detached his gaze from Emma and moved it next to her, onto Manny. Manny also looked confused.

"I need to talk to Manny." Sean managed to say. "Now?" Mr. Simpson asked impatiently. Sean nodded in response. "Fine. Manny..."

She got up and looking very nervous, followed Sean reluctantly out the door and into the hall.

"Sean, what is this? Where are we going?" Sean said nothing. He just kept walking until he was in front of the boys washroom, Manny at his side. "Okay...Sean, I'm not allowed in there." Again, Sean said nothing. He just grabbed her hand in his made her follow him in.

Manny's eyes locked on Craig's body. She screamed, loud and shriek-like. Manny burst into tears. Sean grabbed her arm and pulled her round into a hug. He held her until she could get the words out. "Wha...what happened?" she asked through her continuous tears.

"He's dead." Sean replied looking at the floor, silent streams of tears gliding down his cheeks. "Sean." Manny said thickly. She threw her arms around his neck once again and let out all her misery on his shoulder. Sean never let her go.

Once the police came, Sean and Manny, still holding one another, watched them zip up Craig's body into the body bag. The sight was too much for her. Sean felt Manny's legs give out from under her. "Manny." He said, holding her tightly to keep her limp body steady. "Manny."

One week later...

Almost the whole school was gathered at Craig's funeral. Manny was sitting in the pews with Sean and Emma. She still couldn't believe that he was dead. Craig, her Craig, first date Craig, first time Craig...no, she thought. Manny kept praying that she would jerk awake at any moment and this would all be a bad dream. Yes, she thought silently, and when I wake up, I'm going to go find Craig and give him a second chance, tell him that I love him....she was never going to get that chance.

Emma looked over at Manny; she felt so bad for her friend. She grabbed Manny's hand and held it in hers, rubbing little circle with her thumb. Manny looked over at Emma and gave a weak smile.

Manny turned her attention back to the podium. Joey was up at the front...desperately trying to get through his speech about the time he shared with Craig.

Manny couldn't bare it. She stood up suddenly and ran to the back door. Emma gave Sean a pleading look before getting up herself and following Manny outside. Once outside the building, Emma called Manny's name.

"Manny! Manny, where are you? Come on...talk to me." Manny walked back around the corner. She was in a fit of tears. "Manny, why did you just leave like that? What is wrong with you?" "Emma, there's something that I never told you about mine and Craig's date."

"What?" Emma asked. "We didn't go to the movies." Manny continued, "We went to the school and had sex." Emma's eyes bulged. "What?" "Let me finish, EM. It was going all right and then I started it got too hard. I started to bleed really bad. So...he took me to the hospital and I got stitches."

"Okay...what does this have to do with...well everything?"

"Trust me, you'll understand. Okay, so he asked what out third date was going to be like and I basically told him that it would never work. And he got really upset. And," Manny took a deep breath and held back her next batch of tears, "Sean said it was Craig's last request that Sean tell me that he loves me."

"O...okay?"

"Don't you get it, EM? My dumping Craig had a major impact on his suicide! I mean, people found out about what he did to me and they were horrible to him. Really, if I had just never said that I was ready for sex than none of this would have happened. But you know what? I'm glad that he was my first time. He was the only boy that I would ever done that with right now."

"Manny..." Emma said, almost in an exhausted way, "that's crazy. I mean...I'm sure he was upset but come on!"

"EM, I can't help but feel somewhat responsible. You know you would too."

"I'm sorry, Manny."

The church doors swung open and the guests started to file out. "Can we not talk about this anymore please?" Manny said to Emma as Sean joined them. He slipped his arm around Emma's waist. It was too much for Manny...to see them together, happy.

"I'm going." Manny said abruptly. "Um...okay..." Emma said, "you're not staying for the reception?" "No...no, I think I need to be alone."

Manny turned to walk away but Joey caught her arm. "Hi, Manny." "Hey, Joey." Manny said uncomfortably, "I'm really sorry about Craig." Joey looked down at the ground before responding. "Yeah...me too. So...how are you doing? Handling it all? I know you guys were close."

"Oh, I'm fine." Manny lied. "You know how it is. Getting better with each day." "Yeah, I know. Hey listen, I don't know if you already know or not but, Craig liked you very much. I know you guys didn't get off on very good terms but he really cared about you. I was impressed."

Manny's eyes stung. "Yeah, I liked him a lot too. Joey, it was nice talking to you. I need to run now though." Joey looked at her kindly, not asking anymore questions.

"Oh, alright. I understand." He surprised Manny and gave her a hug before she walked away.

Emma had been watching the whole conversation. She was mildly worried about Manny's sanity. Right now Manny was very upset and unstable; Emma didn't want her to do something rash.

Joey looked over and came to talk to them. "Hey guys." he said, trying his best to sound like his usual perky self.

Something had been bothering Sean all week. Now that Craig was gone, was he still welcome at Joey's? Would it even be right to stay there? Sean didn't know. Joey seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"Sean," he spoke, "I hope that you're still planning to stay with me?" Sean looked strained. "Oh, Joey, I don't know. I don' think I should intrude. Besides it would be right with..."

"Oh, no Sean. I really would love the company. What do you say?" Joey's face was hopeful and made Sean's heart ache. Finally, Sean said, "Sure, why not!" Joey's face lifted. He did look genuinely happy for the first time in a week. "That's great man! I'll see you guys." Joey moved on to mingle with other guests.

"Soo..." Emma started, looking over at Sean, "how are you doing? This can't be easy for you."

"Ah, don't worry about me." Sean replied as if watching his best friend's suicide was no big deal.

"But I am. Sean, it's not the best way to end a school year." "Yeah, probably not, huh?" Sean was trying to joke around. Emma was becoming frustrated.

"Sean, why won't you say how you really feel for once?" There was a long and awkward pause that seemed to last forever before Sean finally replied.

"You know, I could have stopped him. But I didn't. I was right there, EM. I could have gotten the knife away from him. But I didn't." Emma wiped away a tear. "Sean, you have a broken arm. There's not much fighting power there. Don't blame this on yourself."

"But still," he said, "I could have tried harder. All I did was tell him to put it away. If I had tried harder, Craig would still be alive." Sean finished.

"No, that's not necessarily true. Sean, this is what Craig wanted. If he hadn't been able to do it then, then he might have tried to do it another way some other time. Don't you see? There was no stopping him. Stop blaming yourself. There's nothing you could have done."

"Yeah, I guess. But EM," he broke off, "it was so awful." Emma embraced Sean in a loving hug. She held him so close and so tight that she could feel his rapid heart beat as he let out his sadness. The whole time he was in her arms, Emma tried focusing all her happy energies on Sean, in hopes that they would somehow transport over from her heart and into his.


	33. Spinning

It had been almost a full week since Craig's funeral. Emma had been feeling a little nauseous so Spike rushed her to the hospital to get her started on treatments.

"EM, you okay?" Spike asked her while sitting in the waiting room, "Scared? Nervous? Excited?"

"Um...nervous, I guess." That was the complete truth. Emma was very very nervous. She didn't know what they would have to do. Just the thought of all the procedures she was about to go through was overwhelming.

"Emma Nelson?" The nurse said. Emma nodded and got up. "Follow me through here please." Emma followed the kindly looking nurse through the door. Emma turned and looked at her mom, dabbing her face with a kleenex, as the door closed.

The next day....

Emma stayed home from school the next day. She was now officially started on chemo along with other treatments that were supposed to help fight her leukemia. The chemo had not really had a chance to take effect yet so Emma's long golden blonde hair still remained. Later that day, Emma's mom came home from the store with a present for her.

"EM, I got you something." Emma walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. "Surprise!" Spike said as she pulled out a wig made of long blonde hair. It was almost identical to Emma's hair.

"Thanks," Emma said unenthusiastically, "it's great mom."

"Honny, I know this is hard, but really, I spent a lot of money on this. It's a real wig. People won't even be able to tell the difference."

"I don't want to wear a wig." Emma replied shortly.

"You want to go bald then?" Spike asked. She tried hard to keep her voice down. She knew that this wasn't Emma's usual behavior.

"No, I don't want to have to deal with any of this! I don't want to be a cancer patient! I just want it all to go away!" Emma shouted.

"Emma," Spike said, "I didn't buy this to upset you, despite what you may think, I did it because I love you honny and even if you don't want to realize it this is happening. Before it can go away your round of chemo has to be done and you will lose your hair, like it or not. So...would you like the wig or should I return it and get my money back?" Spike asked crossly.

"No. I'm going to need it, right? I'm sorry, mom." Emma said, defeated.

"It's alright baby." Spike walked over and gave her only daughter a hug. Just then the door bell rang.

"I'll get it." Emma said while getting to her feet. Emma opened the door; it was Sean.

"Hey..." he said, somewhat cautiously.

"Hey, Sean. Come in." Sean stepped over the threshold. Emma closed the door behind him. Sean looked nervous.

"So...how are yo feeling? I haven't talked to you in awhile." Sean asked, again that cautious tone of voice. Emma laughed on the inside. He sounded like he was afraid that one wrong word and she would bite his head off.

"Sean, don't look so scared. I'm not dead yet." Emma joked.

"Emma..." Sean began.

"Sean calm down! I'm not going to die. I will beat this."

"Promise?" Sean asked her.

"Promise." Emma confirmed.

Sean pulled her into a hug. "I love you." Sean said, choked up, into her ear. Emma loved hearing him say that. She knew that she didn't need to reply; Sean knew how she felt about him. Emma just held him tighter.

Three months later...

The school year had ended and another one was about to begin. Manny had become a loner since Craig's death. She would occasionally talk to Emma, but for the most part she just kept to herself. Sean and Emma had become even closer in-spite of Emma's cancer. Sean became a somewhat worried boyfriend. Everytime Emma had an appointment, Sean would walk to her house while they were away and wait out on the porch until they returned.

Today was the one doctors appointment that both Sean and Emma had to worry about. This would determine Emma's fate, life or death.

Emma was very nervous. She sat by the window, staring off into space until the doctor came in.

"Emma...Spike..." Dr. West said as he entered. Spike stood up quickly. Emma did not even turn her attention to him. He sounded grave...Emma already knew what was coming. She was going to die...there was nothing that they could do to prevent it.

Emma listened hard as she heard this. "She's not responding." Dr. West said, "I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do."

Even though she had been expecting it, just hearing the words pour out of the doctor's mouth hit her hard. She could no longer hear her mother's continuous sobs. Something was blocking her hearing. The room was spinning. Emma fell over off her chair. She saw the fuzzy shape of Dr. West just before she blacked out.


	34. Accepting The Inevitable

Sean and Manny, accompanied by Spike and Snake, sat in Emma's hospital room. Sean was sitting on the stool right beside her bed. He had her hand in his. Cold as her hand was, she was not dead. Spike had not yet informed Manny and Sean that there was no hope for Emma. As far as they knew, she had just passed out from exhaustion.

Emma had been out cold for several hours now. Spike stood at the back of the room watching Sean as he watched her daughter lay motionless. Snake was planted behind his wife with his hands resting on her shoulders. Occasionally, he would give them a little reassuring squeeze. They all stood rooted in their spots.

Manny, on the other hand, couldn't sit still for more than five minutes. She would sit down and then get up and go to the other side of the room. She couldn't believe that Emma was truly sick. Emma, her only good friend throughout her life was lying helplessly in a hospital bed.

More hours passed until it was very late night, turning into an early morn. Emma still remained motionless.

"Hey, guys. We're going to head home for tonight. Anyone need a ride home?" Snake asked.

"Um...sure." Manny said.

"Okay, Sean?" Snake asked, "Want a ride back to Joey's?" Sean never looked up. All he did was shake his head no.

"Are you sure?" Spike asked him gently.

"Yeah." he replied quietly. "I want to stay until she wakes up." Spike hesitated before finally nodding in understanding.

They left Sean alone with Emma. Sean knew that she could not hear him, but spoke softly to her anyways, "Emma, I know you're in the somewhere. Please. please wake up. I need you...we all do....your parents...Manny. EM, you have always been so strong about everything and now I look at you and you're so helpless and it scares me. I can't handle it. Emma, there is just something about you that makes me want to be better...better for you...and I love making you happy. I can't loose you, not now. You have taught me so much about love and life and being a good person and you make me feel great. I don't want to that feeling to go away. You have to pull through this, EM. If not totally for me, than for Manny too. She loves you so much, EM. So do I...."

Sean was cut off when he felt Emma's hand give a slight twitch. Sean flinched and let it go quickly. She was finally, after many hours, waking up! Sean urged her on, "EM, EM? Come on, wake up."

Emma moved over a little and then her eyes opened up into slits. Sean smiled down at her. Emma looked up at him and gave a little grin. "Hey..." she said sleepily.

Just hearing her voice was enough to make Sean's heart race; he had never been so excited in his life. "What's wrong with you?" Emma asked thickly.

"Nothing...just really, really happy." he said, taking her hand again. He could feel the light warmth from her fingers.

"Well that's something new." Emma joked. Sean gave a feeble laugh.

"So, you're going to be okay now, right? I mean, what did the tests say?"

"Oh..." Emma's face dropped.

"What?" Sean asked in a scared tone.

"Yeah...about that...Sean, there were bad results." "Wha..." he started. "Let me finish. The treatments didn't work. There's nothing they can do except maybe sustain my life a little longer by doing more chemo."

"Do it then!" Sean said, almost angrily. "EM, if it means more months then..."

"No, Sean. It's a lot of money and I would just be sick and in the hospital the whole time."

She looked up expectantly at Sean. He was rocking his head back and forth, fighting back the tears. "So..." Sean said in a croaked voice, "so you mean you're just going to...to...die?" he finally managed to say.

"Yeah." she replied quite firmly. Emma needed to hear herself say it out loud. "I am...going to die, Sean."

They sat in complete silence that lasted a lifetime.

"No." Sean said suddenly. "No, I don't believe you. You can't die, EM. You're only fourteen. You can't die." he repeated.

"Sean, you have to accept it." Emma said, "It's inevitable."

Sean got to his feet. "Listen to you...'"you have to accept it Sean...it's going to happen..."' EM, no. I don't. I mean, have you even!" He was almost at a shout.

Emma hesitated to answer. "No, not really, it's hard to think about, but..."

"See! EM, you're not going to die. They can't just let you. I just lost my best friend! I won't loose you too." He was going for a steady voice, but even so, it wavered.

"Sean, there's nothing..."

"No!" he yelled, "I won't watch you lie there and die while those doctors out there don't do a damn thing about it!" Sean was furious. Emma had to calm him down before a nurse or someone asked him to leave.

"Sean, listen to me, there's nothing anyone can do. If there was something that could be done, then it would be, alright? Don't blame the doctors...they did all they could." Emma said. She was becoming teary-eyed now.

"So what, you're just giving up now?" Sean asked her quietly.

"No...not giving up, Sean. I am accepting my fate," She said simply. Saying this didn't pang her as much as she thought it would. "And Sean, you need to accept it too."

Sean shook his head. "No, I need to go. I can't stand this." he said.

"No, Sean, please. Don't go." She looked pleadingly at him. He felt he had no choice but to stay with her. He nodded and returned to his stool. "Sean, I've been fighting it for months and nothing worked. I'm sorry."

"Are you scared?" Sean asked her suddenly.

"Of dying?" Emma clarified. Sean nodded. Emma gave him a very sweet, but vague answer. "I'm scared of leaving you and everyone else that I love behind."

"Oh..." Sean said. He shifted uncomfortably. Emma sensed that he was thinking about making a escape getaway.

"Sean, please stay and talk to me." She said.

He nodded. "Yeah, okay."

"Sean, I need to know that you'll be okay." She said.

Sean looked at Emma, stunned. "Emma, I will never be okay. Not when you're not with me. But..." he hesitated, "I guess I'm going to have to live with it." he sniffed hard and turned away. He didn't want to spring his tears on her.

"Sean," she said, getting his attention back to her, "I think you just accepted it."

"I wouldn't say that." Sean said darkly.

"It's a start." Emma said, now screwing up her face in the effort of holding back her tears.

"Yeah...I guess so." Sean moved forward and kissed Emma passionately. In normal circumstances, she would have stopped him at one point, but Emma just kissed him back. "I love you...so...so much." Sean managed to say before breaking down into tears of grief. He didn't care if she watched him now.

Sean finally left. He called Joey and asked him to get him.

"Hey." Joey said when he saw Sean sitting in the lobby. Sean wore a vacant expression. "So...how is she?" Joey asked.

"Dying." Sean replied.

"Wha, what?" Joey asked as if Sean's message had not reached him.

"She's dying." Sean repeated, pained by the words. He stood up. "The treatments didn't work and the doctors won't do anything about it."

"Sean, I am so sorry. You don't deserve this. Any of it." Joey said, putting an arm around Sean's shoulders.

"Yeah, I probably do, actually. This is God's way of getting back at me for everything I have done."

"Sean, no. No one deserves this kind of pain...despite what they have done." Joey said.

"You think so?" Sean asked, unconvinced.

"Yeah, I do. Lets go home." Sean nodded. They walked together to the car, silently.


	35. The Final Goodbyes

About one week later....

The phone ringing sounded loud and annoying throughout Joey's house. Sean hurtled down the stairs and picked up the receiver. "Hello?" he gasped, out of breath. It was Manny.

"Hey, Sean." she said.

"Oh, hi Manny. What's up?" he asked her.

She stumbled on her words. "I...I n..need you to tell me some...something." There was a pause. Sean didn't know whether he was supposed to say something now or let her continue. Manny took a deep breath and continued. "Is Emma...is Emma going to be alright?"

"Manny, I don't want to talk to you about that. You should talk to Emma...hear everything that she has to say." Sean didn't want to be the messenger of bad news. He thought that Manny should hear it all from Emma.

"No, Sean, I can't go in there...not again. I can't see her like this. But...I need to know...is Emma going to make it?" Sean didn't know what to tell her. He could hear her crying while he tried to find the right words.

"Manny...there's nothing they can do for her. She is going to die..." Sean struggled to say this. Hearing it was one thing but saying the words yourself...

Manny gave a big gasp that was mixed in with her heaving sobs. "Oh my god." Was all she said.

"Manny? Manny?" Sean said, trying not to sound too choked up. Manny hung up. "Hello, Manny? Are you there?" Sean hung up the phone. He quickly wiped away his tears before starting toward the kitchen. The phone rang again.

"Hello?" Sean thought it would be Manny calling back, but instead it was Snake. "Sean, you should get down here now."

Sean's heart stopped beating. "She's not..."

"Dead? Not yet." he replied.

"Okay, I'm coming." Sean hung up and ran out the door. He was panting by the time he reached the hospital. He only stopped running when he got to Emma's door.

Sean looked through the little glass window. Dr. West, Snake and Spike were talking quietly. Sean opened the door and made sure to close it quietly. He looked around at the three of them, expectantly.

Snake spoke. "You'd better say your goodbyes now, Sean. Dr. West said there is only about an hour, maybe two, before her system completely shuts down." Spike gave a stifled cry. "We're going to get some coffee." Snake said. He led his wife out of the room.

"I'm sorry son." Dr. West said sympathetically as he exited after Snake.

Sean went to Emma's side and sat on the provided stool. He stared at her face. She had used to look so calm and beautiful when she slept. Now, she looked weak and like she was wasting away. Sean had to wake her up, to tell her how much he loved her. He shook her arm gently.

"Emma...Emma please wake up."

She opened her eyes slowly. "Sean? What are you doing here?" Emma thought it unusual that he was here since it was the first time he had come since she had told him the grave news. Emma didn't know though that Sean came here a lot over the past week...just to watch her through the little glass window. Sometimes he would even dare to enter and watch her sleep soundlessly. But they hadn't spoken since that night.

Sean was trying hard not to act like something was wrong. He bit his lip, hard, to hold back the tears.

"Something's wrong. What is it?" Sean tried to look as if he didn't know what she was talking about. "How long?" Emma asked abruptly. Sean was taken aback.

"I don't know what..."

"How long, Sean?" Emma insisted.

"About an hour, or two." Sean said quietly. Emma looked a little shocked. She hadn't expected that. But she put on a brave face for Sean.

"Well, lets make it the best, sweetest hour of my life, okay?" Emma said in a fake cheery voice.

"I don't know if I can do that, EM." Sean said, still biting his lip.

"Sean, come on." Emma said, tears freely falling down her face now. "You don't want it to end like this." Sean shook his head.

"You promised." he said abruptly.

"What?"

"You promised me that you would beat this. You didn't keep your promise, EM."

Emma sniffed hard. "I know, Sean. I'm sorry."

Sean suddenly hated himself for bringing that up. It was in no way her fault...none at all. None of this was fair.

"I'm sorry too, EM."

"Sean, I love you. I don't want to leave you knowing that our last moments were bad. So please, talk to me."

He looked her in the face for the first time since that night. "I love you, EM, so, so much. You're always on my mind. You're are truly, the only one that I have ever felt so strongly about. I can't ever remember wanting to be with someone so much. You will always be with me and I will always, always remember you."

And there it was; Sean's final goodbye.

Emma was now glowing. He was being so sweet and trying so hard not to cry. "Sean, ever since you came to Degrassi, I've always felt a connection between us. You were always the guy that popped into my head. I never thought that we would get this far together. But we did. And that connection will always be there, Sean. I love you."

And there was hers.

For the remainder of Emma's last and final hour, she and Sean reminisced about their junior high years.

And then she went with her undying love for him. She passed right in his loving arms, just as she wanted it. Sean tried not to cry for he knew that Emma was watching over him.

Even when they took her lifeless body, Sean did not leave. He stared at her empty bed. Her petite body imprints were still impressed upon the bed dressings. Sean could feel her presence all around him. He grabbed her once used pillow and held it to his chest. He buried his face into it. It smelled of Emma's hair, sweet and soft. He couldn't hold it any longer. He broke into his tears that head been threatening to spill for the past hour.

Sean felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He turned his head; it was Manny's. Sean stood up and turned to face her. He grabbed her immediately and they cried on one another's shoulders.

Sean and Manny took a walk through the park. They sat at a bench and talked.

"I miss her so much already." Manny said. "Why did this have to happen?" She asked him softly.

"I know, it's not fair." Sean replied. "But I guess it was God's plan or something."

"Well, what are we supposed to do now?" Manny asked.

"I dunno. Maybe we're supposed to do something great."

Manny gave a short laugh. "Like what?"

"I dunno. We'll have to wait and see I guess. But come on, Manny. Emma would want us to do something good with our lives...move on...not wallow like this. She was so calm about the whole thing."

"Yeah. She always tried to put a smile on even if she was really upset."

"You were a good friend to her, Manny." Sean said, "The best."

"Thanks but I was nothing compared to her. Emma was always the better of us. She did so much."

"Yeah...she took on a lot of stuff. Even if I didn't show it, I always did admire her commitment to the environment. Emma was passionate about saving the environment."

Tears started to creep to the corners of both Sean's and Manny's eyes.

Manny liked being here with Sean. It was comforting to know that she wasn't alone in this. They sat there and talked about the good times until dark.

"Manny, I should go home. Joey probably wants me there. Want me to walk you home?"

"O no, I'll be fine. I'm in the other direction anyways. You go."

They both stood up. Sean gave Manny a quick hug. "Bye." he said.

"Bye." she repeated.

Sean started off towards Joey's. Manny watched his receding back until he was no longer visible before she turned on her heel and went the other way.


	36. The End

Emma's funeral took place one week later. Sean managed to give his speech about Emma without dissolving into tears. At the end of the ceremony people kept congratulating him on his performance.  
Sean had spent a lot of time on it; more time than he would ever put into schoolwork. He had wanted it to be perfect for Emma.  
  
"She would have really loved it." Spike said to Sean, "Thank you so much."  
  
"Of course." Sean said. Spike gave him a hug before moving onto another person.  
  
Manny spotted Sean and came over to talk to him. "Great speech, Sean. Emma would have really loved it." If Sean had a dime for everytime someone had said that to him...  
  
"Yeah, well I wanted it to be perfect for her. But I would much rather have not made the speech.  
I would rather have her here with me now." He said, trying to keep his coldness to a minimal.  
  
"I know, Sean. But...she is here, watching over us. She's your angel." Manny said simply.  
  
"Yeah...you're right." Sean looked up at the sky and smiled. He was sure that he saw Emma's face in the clouds.  
  
"Sean?" Manny asked, confused, "You alright."  
  
Sean looked down at Manny. "Yeah...yeah, now I am. As long as I've got my angel watching me,  
I will be." He looked up at the sky again.  
  
"Wha...what?" Manny asked. She too looked up at the sky. Sean just laughed and shook his head.  
  
"Nothing." he said, still laughing. He pulled Manny into a hug.  
  
After the funeral, Sean was finally able to make peace with Emma's death. He walked alone on the sidewalk, hands in his pockets. Sean would always miss Emma even though she was with him wherever he went; she was in his heart. That would never change.  
  
Apart from being a part of him, Emma surrounded him. She was in the wind, the trees, everywhere.  
She would always be by his side until he met her in heaven. Sean felt a little gust of wind blow by him. He smiled and said, "I love you."  
  
Sean walked back to Joey's with a little breeze following him close behind the whole way. 


	37. Final Author's Note

Hey everyone,  
  
Thanks for all the reviews, I enjoy reading them!  
  
To all the Emma lovers who hate me for having her go...I'm sorry but that's just the way it flows  
  
And to some people who may have noticed my lack of details when it came to her cancer I'm sorry I dont know that much about the disease but I did my best. This was just a fanfic for a tv show so I was not going to go out and do research on it.  
  
I have written a second part that is a high school reunion. it is no where near as long as this one! but if ppl would like it to be posted then i will do it. It is a Sean and Manny thing.  
As you probably have noticed, I like Sean...alot.  
  
Again, thanks for reading and all the reviews!  
  
Much Love, Christa 


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